Lost Diaries (Prev Dole Scum Diaries)

What a couple of month's...

2011-03-09T09:52:00.003Z

Hello there, long time no type...

I think I have become rather lazy with this thing and I believe that you would agree... From it's early beginnings as the Dole Scum Diaries to me briefly becoming a corporate whore, to being and ordinarily employed person to now being a family man... it all has got a bit in the way of updating this and making regular entries.

The fighting carries on and on wherever it may roam. Exciting events happening the world around with people fighting for their right to party and for their freedom. Shame about Libya and even more shameful the late condemnation coming from the west. I say it is a shame because we were more than happy to buy his oil and grant some allowances into them purchasing weapons (in good faith, I am sure) but now I am sure that NATO or some allied nations are running their very own version of the X-factor to see who will be (for the time being) the best person to buy oil from and to sell weapons to, in return.

It is all a load of shit and it has always been, sadly, it has been so open in the last couple of decades, that we have become a bit cynical about it all. That is a terrible thing, especially as there are a lot of people losing their lives and our governments are simply going to back the horse with the better odds on their favour. If attacks and support were indeed in order to 'liberate' people, North Korea, China, Russia, Uzbekistan, Ukraine... Mexico, the US under the Bush administration... all would've been targets.

Also with the media being sold all to one man, dismantling the BBC like a malicious child pulling off the legs of a spider... and the (Tory) government selling everything off, there is something to worry about for the next couple of decades too. One thing, that I am getting tired of, is hearing people slagging off the LibDems for selling all this shit with the Tories. The LibDems have fuck all to sell!!! The only things they had were their integrity and their selr-respect, which they sold for (less than) 20 pieces of silver just to get a backstage pass into Westminster.

I say backstage pass, because that is all they got, they are there for the meet and greet and get into the odd photo opportunity so they can post it later in their blog or their facebook. Because one thing that they aren't doing is making any decisions. And one thing that they aren't getting either, is a say.

I'll close this musing with a minute of silence in mark of respect to the families of every member of the LibDems, think of the shame they have to endure everyday and how dirty they must feel by association.

Good bye dear moustache :{(

2011-01-13T21:47:00.006Z

My dear tache...

Tomorrow night we will go our separate ways, for a little while. I would like to thank you for those awkward moments and those nasty comments I got (@Gavin). Also, I must admit you looked well sharp in this last week.

How can we forget the never ending wait to get the wax... only for it to take far longer for you to curl in such a majestic way.

In the cold days, you kept my upper lip quite snug. So much so, that when people thought I was smiling, it was my lip having a nice stretch.

I will miss you, but have already booked your return ticket as we have some unfinished business (what with all that wax) and the promise to give my mam some eccentric photos from her visit.

Yes, I looked like a dick, but so did I before and slowly I learned to fear never more. From those builders on the DLR this evening, laughing at me, to that emo kid simply nodding in a reverent fashion the other day.

Anyway, we'll have our fun tomorrow night as you make way to the rest of my face... as you bow out, we will ponder if it was a Chaplin, a Mugabe or something else you were trying so hard.

Thank you!!! And see you in the summer.

Jaysus...

2010-12-18T15:09:00.002Z

Nearly a year from the last entry. What can I say? I am not sure I am a year wiser, all I can say is that some things have changed but overall we have the same objectives.

In the last year, a short got animated and we have spent another year trying to shoot a short that has now become (in my head) a trilogy. With an over-ambitious attempt for the cast, we can only prod along and see if we can get it made in 2011 after it being written way back in 2009.

Getting it made would be the first massive thing to do, currently uncertain as how it will be when we get there as the direction depends on an external factor. It could be me or it could be an experienced mate. If the casting gods nodded in our direction, it'd be better to have an experienced director, but we'll see. The equipment would be another thing, but that could be hired, not our mate's experience.

Now, with it being a trilogy (5min each, mind you) things get a little bit more complicated, what with having to cast an additional 5 people. Shooting the other 2 would be easier as they would be more like interviews, where as the 1st one will require actual locations and be more of a drama variety.

Apart from that 2011 has got definitely lined up for us:

Pulp at Wireless
New book of the Gentlemen Bastards
New Thursday Next book
Nortec coming back to London for the first time in years
Family visting over for the summer

What doesn't look that promising is Hollywood:

Green Lantern
Green Hornet

Amongst many films, that I wish my first impressions are wrong. They gave me the feeling of 'I see what you're trying to do there, but...'

Anyway, mustn't grumble and all that.

So 2010 in a nutshell (from my perspective):

Changed jobs, animated short, not live action short, my little girl is 1 and walks and has a vast vocabulary if 6 words she uses correctly, still see out people from my last job more than my new one, only a few gigs, but they were pretty good, we started with snow and looks like we'll end it in snow and learnt how to use moustache wax.

Have a great end of 2010 and a blinding 2011.

Where are we heading?!?!?!

2009-03-19T13:25:00.002Z

Hello all and long time no update...

Writing a brief note in the middle of the economic breakdown, piss taking and panic driven cultural daze.

We're going down the shits! That's where we're going and we're making sure we get there quickly. I know it is all pessimistic and depressing way to look at things, but a simple example of my work place...

Like a lot of other places in the current situation, have laid some people off! Big surprise there. But where my anger, frustration and pessimistic view stems from is from the lack of interest from people and the lengths they go to avoid helping or taking on any responsibility!!!

A bit harsh on my side, but in the past I remember when the axe fell, everyone shortly after, would comply and be very helpful as the axe hung over everyones head and you didn't want to be seen as potential dead weight.

Lo and behold it is time to pass the buck, get involved in none of your fucking business just to look busy enough and make as much noise as possible dragging as many people as possible down with you!

As you can tell I am struggling in controlling my anger, but I don't take kindly to back stabbing, useless people 'judging' my output when they can't understand.

So little is their understanding that, to my demise being an analyst, people get confused with numbers. Understandable and acceptable, then why the fuck do they want more number in the reports and higher frequency? Their confusion reaches such levels that I need the balls to run my ultimate test:

Write down a phone number in a piece of paper and put a heading over it saying it shows the trend they wanted.
The test is that, by the phone number having so many digits will manage to confuse the fuck out of them and nod pretending to understand.

My frustration and this rant come from the fact that this people make me feel useless! They demand for so much, which is mainly ignored, but with tight deadlines as they can't ask for shit in time.

So sadly I face the reality of being paid for wasting my time, the downside of that is that they make sure I am more than busy, stressed and under pressure whilst they waste my time...

Long live the days of doing dirty work for money!!!

I am truly back.

Fulham FC facing relegation...

2008-04-10T09:21:00.002+01:00

Hello there, long time no type...

Just a quick update after three weeks of being back in the motherland and coming back from 35 degrees to 4 degrees and snow... you don't hear me complaining, just that as it was with jetlag fucking with my head, the snow made it worse...

The sun has come out once again and certainly I am not only enjoying it but certainly appreciating it... sadly not the same can be said for Fulham FC... my club.

This season has been the most heartbreaking since I started supporting them. An abysmal opening of the season with some seriously daft purchases helped us dig a nice grave. I seriously didn't like Lawrie Sanchez and personally didn't rate him back then nor now. Sadly he seemed a promise (because of his work with Norie {Northern Ireland}), which never materialized.
What pissed me off the most was the fact that he never took responsibility for anything. A stark contrast to the honesty we had for four years with the previous manager... but that's another story...

The new manager is good and I like him and his honesty, but I think we were seriously fucked before he came on board and though rescuable, the odds were always against him.

So, we're going down... I won't cry, but I have to admit that I am already upset. I think things might become tougher if we win this weekend as that would just prolong the pain. But knowing the spirit of the players, well, we might just win this weekend. So here it is to potentially go down like Sheffield United did, in a truly upsetting and heartbreaking manner.

It all comes down to the sacking of Coleman and the fact that had he been given the same money/opportunities as Sanchez had we would have been in a far different situation and (I dare even speculate) in a far more surprising position on the table... above 10th?

Anyway, so I really had to get it out of my chest and just have now... thank you and COME ON YOU WHITES!!!!

One final entry...

2007-12-31T14:16:00.000Z

As usual, wishing you all the best and hoping you have a fantastic New Year celebration and that you spend it surrounded by those you want to be with.

I am glad to be spending it with my beautiful wife and some very dear friends. One thing that you must do is follow any superstition that might come from your culture.

I for example am wearing red underwear for luck reasons and will be placing a note in each of my shoes before midnight takes place.

You see, back at home (Mexico) we believe that the way you receive the new year will set the way for how it will shape up. So that it is why it is so important to spend it with people whose company you enjoy. As well we do silly little things, or used to do, as superstitions, but now I think they might have served more as entertainment for us children.

You see, I am not sure as to whether to believe in fate or not. If it does exist, I feel that it needs an encouraging when it comes to good things. Those are the ones that take a while longer to happen if you just sit on your arse and wait for them to come and find you.

I am working on things and trying to line things up in order for 2008 to be a better year than 2007 for myself, my wife, family and very dear friends. All my friends are very dear.

I sound so lame, but it is true. I shall be having a few beers tonight in delightful company and will receive the new year in the best mood that I can. Whoever and wherever you are, I hope you have an amazing time and that 2008 is great for you and those you want it to be great.

More images to follow and I would like to add a movie suggestion... it was actually from 2007 and as I said, been buying DVDs on the sale. But you must watch 28 weeks later. It rocks, kicks arse and I think that it might even be slightly better than the first one. I say this basing it on the fact that I don't like incredibly happy endings and the hopelessness of this sequel really kept me on the edge of my seat.

To those about to rock... I salute you!!!

2007 review.

2007-12-28T16:18:00.000Z

Like you could give a toss, but here you go anyway. I thought I might as well waste your time a little further with some of the things that I enjoyed in 2007 on top of living itself.

When it comes to music here's my top 5 (in no specific order):

Interpol 'Our love to admire': I personally loved Antics and thought that the melancholy and edge of it was the pinnacle. How little did I know before Our love... was released. So melodic, honest and to the point. More than anything else it was a pleasure to listen to.
Elvis Perkins 'Ash Wednesday': Funnily enough, I am listening to it as I type. I was lucky enough to see him opening for Willy Mason earlier this year. Sadly I had to wait for about three months until the album was released in the UK. A bitter-sweet joy to listen to and 'While you were sleeping' has got to be quite possibly my favourite track of the year itself.
Gallows 'Orchestra of wolves': Some beautifully intense, passionate and in your face skate punk. More along the lines of Pennywise, maybe Fugazi, sounds like the days when Epitaph could only release great stuff. That album, though new it was full of memories and good ones at that. The joy of growing up stupidly and enjoying it with it's angst and the sheer oblivion of it all.
Radiohead 'In rainbows': Because you have to admit that it is a masterpiece!!! I loved Hail to the thief, but this became even more melodically without compromising. They know wheat they're doing, they love doing it and they are great at doing it. And before you ask... yes I did pay for the download and YES, more than likely I will buy the boxset once it is out. To sum this album up: Believe me, you need it in your life!
Porter 'Atemahawke': Mexico's finest. A fucking beauty of an album that did not disappoint or fail to deliver at any level. The class of it is beyond many things produced in other countries. A great follow up to their debut EP 'Donde los ponys pastan'. This album, like the one above, you need it in your life. You will need to search for this one as it is unlikely to come looking for you. But the search and effort will be more than rewarded.

Books. Because you need a great read on the train, or at home or whilst you try and ignore your family. Now that you have grown up, reading is not for geeks, it is OK. To put it this way, it is like smoking, it is cool, clever, big, sexy and chicks dig it. So in no specific order, here is my top 5:

Kate Atkinson 'One good turn': I don't know what makes it literary, apart from the review quotes on the cover. All I know is that I don't care and it is a book that looks after itself and it's tale. Everything is tied up by the end and if not satisfaction, the simple acknowledgement makes it an enjoyable read. Brilliant and have already recommended it.
Derek Landy 'Skulduggery Pleasant': Kids book, might not be the best and it has set itself a great challenge for the second book, but it is enjoyable, flows smoothly and a lot of fun. Great stuff and will be waiting for the second one eagerly.
Ben MacIntyre 'Agent Zig-Zag': Top book!!! And it is all true!!! You have to read it. You will laugh, sympathize (which in my case is a lot to ask) and simply feel upset when it comes to an end. Fantastic!
Charlie Higgson 'Hurricane Gold': New tome in the young Bond series. I met Higgson, might have freaked him out, but I loved the book. If you fear that it will be like Anthony Horrwitz ones, you are wrong. This are actually based back in the days when the "real" Bond would have been a teenager (around 1920's 30's). They are brilliant and all takes place thanks to sheer intelligence rather than flashy gizmos.
CJ Sansom 'Sovereign': Because crime fiction in the Tudor times does work. Entertaining, thrilling and bloody educational as they have been amazingly and painstakingly researched. Though this is book 3 in a series, you can start with 'Dissolution' that it is book 1 and it is just as good.

Movies. Here I might be too obvious and a bit outdated as I didn't go much to the cinema and bought some of the DVDs on the sales and they might be from 2006 but I have only seen them now... so, random order top 5:

The Bourne Ultimatum: Because it is the most exciting film you have seen since you were 8 years old. Nothing that I can say would do it justice, so do yourself a favour and buy a copy, watch it. Watch the extras and then watch it again. It gets better every time.
Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix: Because it is brilliant and they have captured the darkness that can be found in those stories. In my opinion the book went on for about 100 pages too many after the story had in reality finished. I can't wait for the final two installments.
The Departed: Oh my GOD!!! Chilling (and not in the mellow way, but in the shivery and speechless kind of way).
Blade Runner 5 disc edition: Because the world has been a mess before it came out and if it continues to be a mess now that it has been finally released... well, that shows how stupid the world is. Though I am yet to watch the 5 discs in their entirety, I know that they rock and that they are what we all need.
The Proposition: Because the genius of Nick Cave shows throughout the entire movie. The whole thing is a massive build up to a realisation framed by the most amazingly contrast of arid and beautiful landscapes. On the first viewing, when you get to the end, you might feel as if you have been punched really hard in the stomach and you're momentarily out of breath. But believe me that once you recover it, you will appreciate it.

Pictures to follow.

Random Images on Googling the number 30...

2007-11-22T22:24:00.000Z

30 Earth Masses...

The symbolic meaning of the number 30...

30 Exhibition...

This are announcing the forthcoming entry of 'On being 30' boring you with my views on being 30, not smoking and pretty much the same shit as before, but might have a different angle...

We shall see.

Same shit, different day...

2007-10-09T21:21:00.000+01:00

What can I say apart from the fact that nothing much ever changes and that life itself is the real 'Magic Roundabout'...

I am still full of shit and have nothing good to say about anything. Currently I am a little bit ill, one of those awful man flu's that can kill an elephant, but you don't hear me complaining.

Man ,I remember the good old days when I was able to update this page a few times a week and still put through an average of 5 to 6 applications a day. It's not even as if money has changed me. In my case, when people say 'Time is money', I think it is more like a commodity and I can't afford to have any.

Been up to my eye balls at work and doing some weekend hours and bitching the rest of the weekend. My 30th is approaching so fast that I am already nostalgic of cigarettes even though I have just over three weeks left of smoking, if I stick to my (wife's) plan.

Sorry to go off on a tangent and especially, sorry for the next image. Swindon is indeed a different world. Behold their 'Magic Roundabout':

Not only is it shit, but it looks like a fucking swastika with five arms. Now, that is extreme . If you think I made this shit up, Google 'Magic Roundabout' click on the images tab and scroll half way down the screen. Presto.

Man, I've been to a few gigs and not written about it. Lately, I feel like pretentious twat just rubbing it on people's faces. I hope I am not or at least not the most hate-able of them all.

As you can see , I've got fuck all to say, nothings changed there. The only thing that I am truly devastated about is the fact that the map of the world that had spots for every hit from every place. IT IS FUCKING GONE!!! I am terribly upset about that because now I haven't got the time to be harassing people across the world or browsing at random other blogs and leaving random comments in the hope they might come accross mine.

The worst thing of all, was the fact that deliberately I began pestering people from Madagascar until one person finally read my blog and a dot was there to demonstrate it. Undeniable evidence that I had been read in Madagascar!!! It was my only claim to fame. I have mates with tens of thousands of hits, but none in Madagascar!!!

Even worse is the fact that no one reads this shit apart from me and if you got this far I have to buy you a pint if we ever meet, as I would have given up a long time ago. I suppose that the more I write, the more likely it will be coming up in the 'recently updated' list.

Well, on Thursday I start a course in college and for the first time in my adult life, I will be taking something that I enjoy and am passionate about rather than to progress my (so hated) career. Maybe that will give me more to say in the future and hope that next entries, not only become more frequent, but as well let's hope that one day they will be mildly interesting.

Thank and you stay classy San Diego...

Bourne vs Bond

2007-08-18T20:17:00.000+01:00

So this seems to be the topic at the moment... (Excuse my spastic amateurish graphics)

I went last night to see the last one of the Bourne trilogy and really enjoyed it. In very few words, it was fucking fantastic!!!

The main issue is that people are asking themselves now, who is better, Bond or Bourne? The way I see it, it is pretty simple and it is as follows:

Historically, Bond will beat the shit out of all of them. Think that without Bond having made it onto the screens, Bourne would have come to us later and more than likely under a different guise... Just like narrow minded won't admit about the Beatles, music would have still come to us.

The problem that I see today with Bond is the fact that it is written for the American market, trying to use the same formula that worked with Roger Moore (innuendo) and Timothy Dalton (a bit seedy). When I say that they are written for the American market, I hate to admit it, but I am generalising. What pisses me off is the fact that now even the simplest thing for any imbecile to figure out has to be explained by the peripheral characters in ten lines, so we make sure no one misses out on the story line. (Casino Royal during the cards game and the 'bluff'). As well, the 'innuendo' has been reduced to filthy comments that even a dirty, dirty drunk would feel embarrassed to say. (Casino Royal comment about Bond's little finger).

And on't get me started on getting Bond driving a fucking Ford!!! I don't give a fuck what justification they came up to not say 'PRODUCT PLACEMENT', it is a disgrace. People like you and me use public transport and might drive a Ford, but Bond would get piles if he places his arse on such an abomination. He was meant to be better than you and me and now they want you to relate!!! How fucking wrong and sick is that? I dread to think the mess that Ian Fleming's coffin must be like now, considering that in the last 8 years he must have been turning in his grave like a fucking tornado.

The most worrying thing is that Bond doesn't realise that is trying to compete now with Bond copycats. It seems like a teenage girl with confidence problems that is trying to out do the girls that have been copying her all along, only to end with embarrassing consequences.

I actually have hated every Bond movie after Golden Eye, which I thought was not only a real, but also great return. Pierce Brosnan had the bad luck of incredibly shit scripts. Casino Royal, was better than it's predecessors, but what wasn't? Fuck, the trailer of Snakes on a Plane was better than the last Brosnan Bond.

The harshest thing is that people are so fucking thick that they have to compartmentalize everything. It is as when people ask Star Wars or Star Trek. I personally think that Star Trek is shit and secondly I think that George Lucas should die of shame after keeping people waiting for so long and releasing such a load of shite, then take my and your money and run to the bank. But that's just me and the medication wearing off...

Of course you can chose which one you like best, of course you can have a favourite, of course you have a choice and it counts and it makes you special and you really matter to someone...

My summary is that: Historically Bond is the daddy and excluding the last 5 films (OK four and 2/3 of Casino Royal) it's a classic. Bond was a tradition that would have been nice to be passed down from generation to generation. Sadly, it is now just a concept that people know will sell and feel it needs to be tampered with to keep the money coming in. The only thing that needs tampering with is the fucking scripts. Hopefully with Sebastian Faulks writing the new official book, might inspire a good script, we'll see.

Regardless of what I say there is a promise I can never keep and that is that I'll never, ever again will I go and see the new Bond movie at the cinema.

The current situation makes the Bourne movies more enjoyable. Fucking loved them and I am glad that at least the last instalment I was able to go and see it on the big screen. I left exhilarated, wanting to kick arse, crash my car and beat people up... all that with a mad fucking smile on my face. I hadn't seen a movie that gripped me or excited me so much (no pun intended there). It was a pleasure to watch and yes, it had a few mistakes and a few cheesy bits, but it managed to pull through with pretty much it's whole dignity, unlike others...

Ever yours Peyotitlan

Glastonbury Review... Pt 2

2007-06-30T13:00:00.000+01:00

I know, I know, it is a week late and I said that it was going to be done sooner rather than later, but anyway there is no one reading it apart from myself...

Anyway, because of the delay, I thought I would keep it very simple:

The good:
The good covers so much that will have to keep it limited to the normal areas. The mood was brilliant and most people were very friendly.
Something that wasn't good but it was rather life saving was the flushing toilet block. Man, those things rock and they clean them constantly so there was no real problem there.

Bands that really did it are as follows (in my own opinion) - CSS they were the most fun you could ever have and Love Foxx is as hot as she lacks dancing skills and rhythm. But bloody hell she can work the crowd and make you laugh.
Chemical brothers were amazing, not a very long set and I have to admit that I found dancing a bit difficult with thick mud up to my ankles and having had to walk in it for three days left my legs a bit tired. Talk about visuals!!! Fucking amazing is the simplest and fairest way to describe them.
Sir Shirley Basset (Dame Shirley Bassey) you must have seen her on TV, she rocked and she said 'ass' and laughed straight after it.
The Coral, Biffy Clyro, The Cribs, The View, El Presidente, The Marley Brothers, Arctic Monkeys, The Hours, pear cider, food... You get the point, it kicked arse!!!

The Bad:
The nob jockey sound engineer who prevented us all from hearing Dizzee play live with the Arctic Monkeys.
The people that laughed at my hat.

That fucking baked potato I had on Sunday. Probably the same sound engineer who managed to fuck up the guitar for half a song for Biffy Clyro and had the lead singer looking like a twat hammering at it for no real reason what so ever.

Win Butler 's (Arcade Fire) mouth that wouldn't stop talking shite in between tracks for what it felt like ever and then complaining that he'd just been to a fucking wedding in Dublin with more atmosphere. How he'd fucking like it if some twat started talking shite in between speeches and dishes, not letting him get into the mood of it or talking for so long that the mood would start abandoning him...

Mike, simply because I hate him and I now regret my one missed appointment with fate... I could have hurt him or worse, months before he made it big. I simply didn't know at the time that the fucking irritating waiter (whom I anyway wanted to hurt) would be him.

The Ugly:
The urinals by the pyramid stage. Piss mud, what it seemed to be waist high and slippery as fuck which made you (nearly) shit yourself when you went for a wee, with your heart in your mouth, dreading a fall into the piss mud.
That cunt that started pissing in the middle of the crowd in between the Klaxons and CSS. Pretending that nothing was happening, but nevertheless he just wee'd there.

The wait for the coaches. Freezing cold rain, organising skills that people in Mexico would be ashamed of and no fucking sleep make it difficult to enjoy when after a great weekend you are desperate to go home.

Apparently shortly after our (2 hour late) coach turned up and we left, the red cross was called in as people were suffering from hypothermia.

Anyway, so that was my compressed version of events, I fucking loved, I hated the mud, but it made walking so hard that my thighs now look like Lance Amstrong's. The food was great and though I spent a fair bit of money I still think it was worth it and will definitely try to go next year.

Ta, ta.

Glastonbury review...

2007-06-27T19:46:00.000+01:00

Soon to come... the review and some photos...
However you can already see some of the photos in MyLiveSpace in the link to the right...

As well I will launch a new blog in Spanish for all of you who care, might be interested or would just end up there by mere accident...

Love you all.

Glastonbury... here we come!!!

2007-06-17T19:35:00.000+01:00

After, I think, about 15 years of wanting to go to Glastonbury and having to fight on-line and on the phone (simultaneously) for the previous 3 festivals and missing out on the tickets...

We've got some!!! That is soooooooo cool and finally I am getting properly excited about it... At work it has been so busy and at moments rather unpleasant, that I really didn't have any or enough time to ponder about going to Glastonbury this year.

As a good geek, I've already colour coded the artists for each day and will have to assess the feasibility once on site and taking the times it would take from one stage to the other and so on.

My excitement it has been mildly clouded by the (spine chilling) thought of the 'facilities' AKA toilets... I have you know that I am rather picky when it comes to this issue. Only when travelling I was able to use a shared toilet without the need of having to spend there more than a few months to asses the habits of each individual and calculate the risks...
To give you an idea at how bad I can be... there was one place that I worked at that it was considerably over a year before I used the toilets for anything other than a wee...

Anyway, bodily functions aside... it is amazing and though the weather has not been on our side this year, I am very much looking forward to it. Currently I am trying to cut back the amount that we take as I don't want to be a) A sherpa or b) One of those fucking yuppies who all they're missing is that picnic basket with the bubbly, strawberries and only one man servant as they're slumming it... it is a festival of course.
I am so trying to cut back on unnecessary stuff that I have decided to only take a couple (max 3) t-shirts. This might sound OK to you, if you believe that I will be there only Friday to Sunday... sadly for my wife, we could only get the coach tickets. That means that we will be there from Wednesday and come back at some point on Monday.
I really don't know how much I will stink by the time we get to meet up with mates that are also going... Frankly my dears, I don't give a damn.

So that is at the moment the way the cookie is crumbling. I bought a pair of wellies yesterday. My first pair since some point in the 80's when I was a wee little one jumping into puddles. I think my last pair was either yellow with a blue line going around the sole or they were red with yellow insides and soles.

This new pair is a manly black with brownish sole and I wore them most of yesterday. Pretty much like a small child. As soon as I got home from the shops, I threw my shoes to one side and put on my new wellies. This might sound bad, but I am rather pissed off by the fact that kids and women get cool designs of wellies and we don't. I even tried yesterday to trick the staff of the shoe shop by picking up a pair of kid's ones (with pirate skeletons brandishing swords) and asking if I could try them on on a 7... As you can see from the photos below... I failed. Correction, the shops failed me...

Anyway, needless to say, I am already getting all our shit together as we will be leaving very early on Wednesday morning to catch the coach...
I will certainly be flying the flag, but I am afraid that the mask will stay here. I will take the bottle of Calpis with me so that I can update the world tour on MySpace.

Anyway, hope you all have a great week and a great weekend and I will upload some photos and my attempts of reviews once we get back. Might even try to update this through my phone, but now... that is so wanky...

Have fun beautiful people, ugly people, do what you must or you usually do that passes for fun. Au revoir.

I name this planet 'RETARDO'

2007-06-12T20:25:00.000+01:00

Based upon recent findings, I can nearly absolutely claim that the planet is mainly inhabited by retards...

Sorry, not fair on people with mental disabilities, but I have been facing seriously commonsensically challenged people. I cannot name names or places as it is easy to relate and tie two and two together... well, that is giving them some credit on their intelligence and reasoning skills. Sorry, YOU, will guess and they'll probably think I am talking about someone else and probably think that after all I have joined their gang and am willing to slag off that other person...

Fucking hell, you can tell I am angry. Man, talk about banging your head against a brick wall or trying to get water out of a rock... that would have saved me time, compared to the shit I've put up this last week.

I know, I sound like a fucking martyr, poor me... sorry just incredibly frustrated, can't help it there. Just imagine that the fruit of your labours is sent out to the same distribution list... the person responsible for you asks you the same fucking question as every week.

Where is such thing? To which your answer remains the same after four weeks. It is that one named such, just like it has been named for the last four weeks...You can only mutter under your breath and wait for the next question in the now - incredibly irritating - sketch-like routine... What about the historical stuff? (My answers will be now all in capitals as though I utter them at normal volume, my mind is screaming them) IT IS THE FIRST FOUR WEEKS SHOWING THERE... THERE, YES, THOSE ARE PRIOR TO... How come it peaked on the fourth week? NO, IT DIDN'T, THAT WAS THE RE-LAUNCH WEEK... and after that your calls and e-mails are ignored. This is followed by an e-mail to the team puzzling over the peak on the 4th week and static silence as a reply to your calls and more than likely you have now embarrassed your boss...

Man, I hate the fact that people can be so big fucking headed not to be arsed to read your e-mails or answer your calls... when all you're trying to do is stop them from looking like fucking idiots...

You wouldn't believe that I've already had this same rant four times in the last 4.5 hours...

Anyway, it is great to be back and hope you like the pictures...

Finally I am back...

2007-05-30T07:59:00.000+01:00

Finally...

Though actually I need to run in 15min to catch my bloody train into work.
Work, work, wonderful work!!!

From my last entry, where I managed to rescue my dignity from the jaws of (put something really evil here) I have got a new job.

I have been there now for 3 months and what can I say? Some days it is brilliant and some days it is back to work. The cool thing about the place is that it is an ethical company and that the people I work with are mainly great... not all of them. Back at home in Mexico we have a saying: Work is something so horrible, that they have to pay you to do it. Some times that is the case, some times you get paid to get bored, but at the moment I am getting paid to work my arse off.

I am not getting paid to get stressed, but that's me just chucking it in as an extra. I am ever so generous. Apart from work I can only tell you about some gigs that we have been to, that we visited Slovenia (it is fantastic, everyone must go there, it is beautiful) and a couple of exhibitions we have been to.

I will soon review all these things and add the photos to them as well so that you have a visual commentary too. Sorry if today's is below par, but it is the rush of actually getting something on the page.

If there is anyone still reading this, I'd like to thank you and I hope to be more consistent. I will post more updates soon and I will try and change the look of the site.

Anyhow, now I have to start the fight with my PC to shut itself down and then run to catch my train. I'll add some random pictures tonight and hope you are all well and that I can see you all back.

Signing off, Peyotitlan after overcoming the Zombies from Sahuayo...

NEW JOB!!! and of course... new name and entries soon.

2007-02-26T20:46:00.000Z

Long time no blog... that was mainly down to the fact that with lack of employment (thus restricted or economical entertainment and fewer adventures) there was fuck all to share, if anything.

I have news and I think they're pretty damn good. I have a new job. The best thing is that no corporate pimp got hold of my arse this second time around. I managed to get a job with an ethical cosmetics company (and no, they're not asking me to doll up every morning... just on casual Fridays). I am doing the same stuff as the last nine years, but today (my first day 26-02-07) it was a fresh of breath air (ha, ha, ha a bit stinky first thing in the morning).

It was pretty cool and it seems that all the hippies I slagged off a few years back, followed my advice... they took a shower and got themselves a job. Thank god for them listening to me as they have now employed me and will probably make sure that now I am the one taking a shower every morning and being nice to people and helpful to my colleagues... that will be some change, believe me. Anyway, better cut it here before I manage to even bore myself.

Yours truly

Peyotitlan, your friendly neighbourhood...

Enjoy all some photos of me fucking about with my facial hair before interviews...

WHORECASTS ARE HERE!!!

2007-02-02T07:42:00.000Z

Another (illegitimate) addtion to the family...

Whorecasts
Peyotitlan

Genre: ?
(P) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
Explicit

iTunes for Mac and Windows

Personal update 2,397

2007-01-18T11:28:00.000Z

Hello there, beautiful people. Hope you are all well and that things are going nicely, wherever you find yourselves. A quick entry to update you all on the recent happenings. As you might remember, I got a job, for a very big company... sadly I have thought about leaving that place, though it is a great opportunity. It is tragic really, but the thing is that the travelling taking me between 4 and 5 hours a day.

I am looking for something in Central London as crossing the city underground every morning and not seeing it, is breaking my heart. That and the fact that my quality of life has not improved, quite the contrary. I seem to be spending only 1.5 hours a day of 'quality' time with my wife. So to put it plainly, it pretty much sucks and I am tired of it already which is affecting my ability to adapt. I am disappointed as I am sure some of you will be too, but I believe it is the right choice.

Apart from work, well, I managed to read a fair bit, mainly books that I either thought they were shit ('Hannibal' by T Harris and 'Jim Giraffe' by D King), disappointing ('Overtaken' by Alexei Sayle), just OK ('The Golem's eye' by J Stroud and 'Balthasar's odyssey' by A Maalouf) and the few that I really enjoyed ('Across the nightingale floor' by L Hearn, 'Lost in a good book' by J Fforde, 'No 1 Ladies detective agency' A McCall Smith and 'The Odessa file' by F Forsyth).

I am currently reading the latest book from one of my favourite authors 'Restless' by William Boyd. It is rather small but it is flowing as nicely as I wanted it to. The only thing that really pissed me off was the fact that the very last page, printed on the underside, had a fucking advert for a fucking chocolate bar. Have some self respect!!! Shove adverts to Bridget Jones' shite!!! You wouldn't notice it there, but fuck off and leave my books alone!!!

Apart from that, I have manages to neglect the blog, the future podcasts have remained in a planned version rather than having been recorded, I have not played my bass or used the metronome I got for Christmas... Moan, moan, moan, I nearly sound Australian, ha ha ha ha...

Better leave it here and send you all my best wishes and hope to be able to transfer to another job sooner rather than later. But fear not, I will remain a Corporate Whore from now on...

Visitor 1000

2007-01-06T20:04:00.000Z

Greetings and hopefully welcome back!!!

If you could please look at the counter on the right side of the screen and if you are the visitor number 1000 please leave a comment just so that I know who visited the blog for the thousand time and what you thought about it.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it and I am interested in what everyone has to say about this little space. Don't think I am going to diss you simply because you're not a landmark reader.

Anyway, have fun and hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think.

Happy New Year to all!!!

2007-01-06T11:54:00.000Z

If there is anyone out there still looking at this page, I would like to thank you and apologise for having neglected it in the last two months.

No, I have not disappeared up my own arse after having found a job... The thing is that considering that I had been off work for a little while, with the trip and before that surgery, it has taken me a bit longer to adjust to the whole thing, than I first thought it would take me.

I have changed the title, because I am afraid I am slowly becoming a corporate whore. Finally I got my break into a big company and actually managed to land the role in a SERIOUSLY BIG company. One of those that verge on HUGE. And before you even start thinking wrong again... NO, it isn't because of that either that I have not 'bothered' to update this little space.

The main thing that is preventing me from posting updates here is the fact of having very little time. Despite having friendly working hours, I have to cross the entire city from the outskirts of one end to the complete opposite side of the outskirts of the city. This takes me (being honest with you) two hours door to door. So I have to take away an extra four hours to my day just on travelling to and from work. Isn't that a bitch? I am getting shit loads of reading done, which is nice, but comes Thursday night I am knackered. I am only just beginning to go out to meet up with friends. It has taken me a month to just start getting into the travelling spirit and all.

It has been good but I am still adjusting to the whole thing. To put it plain and simple, in the office site that I work at (the smallest of the two), work 4,500 people and that is just office monkeys. The 4,500 doesn't seem to include cleaners, caterers or people like that. That is crazy. It took me nearly one week to find my way back to my desk after having a cigarette. By the time I returned they had called a search party and were looking for my floating corpse to pop up in the moat any time soon. It is good and it is bad, the grass isn't greener on the other side. I miss my friends, I still don't feel 100% into the whole thing, but I am taking their money and and running home.

I hope you are all OK and that things are going nicely your way. I will try and update more often and hope to have entertaining stories to share with you all very soon.

Under Re-Construction...

2006-12-20T22:41:00.000Z

The Dole Scum Diaries would like to thank you for your support.
Having now found a job, I will like to once again, appropriately, name the blog in the following fashion...

The Corporate Whore Diaries

At the moment I have been a bit too busy or caught up with stuff to get down and update this. Hopefully I will find some time over the holidays and bring you a proper update into my life.

Once again, thank you all for reading and leaving messages and I hope you liked it and hope that I can keep you updated and entertained in the future.

Final Dole Scum Diaries entry.

2006-11-30T14:54:00.000Z

I'VE GOT A JOB!!!!!!

Brilliant!!! Finally after all this time I have got a job. I will be starting on Monday and though I am really excited, I am as well incredibly nervous.

Surprise, surprise, it is not for the company that kept on dicking me about. Considering that I had my first phone interview with them about a month and a half ago... I still have not been made an offer. Though, I did get a call on Monday to check whether if I was still interested and that they were going to interview one more person on Wednesday and hopefully let me know this week. I thought about calling them as soon as I got the other offer, to let them know I was out of the race... but my wife (maliciously) suggested for me to wait for their call and then just drop them.

It is weird and exciting the fact that I will be working again!!! The maddest thing is that I can tell you now that apart from travelling this year, I had surgery late last year. This all comes down to the fact that in between surgery, work holidays and travelling, I have only worked for four full days and four half days since November 2nd 2005. Shocking, I know. I am a bit out of shape, but hopefully my enthusiasm will keep me going until I climatize to working again. Looking forward to the commuting once again. Fighting for enough space to read my book on the tube and falling asleep on the train on the way up.

Other than that, nothing much has happened. The last couple of days (including today) I have enjoyed of what I would like to call proper leisure. To give you an idea, this morning I stayed in bed for far too long. I really abused my overstay in bed this morning, so much so that when I eventually got up, I felt incredibly clumsy. Man it was nice. That will all be over, come Monday morning. I am going to be working in north London, so the commuting will be a bit of an extra trek this time around.

Of course I had great ideas and plans for my last days as a Dole Scum... very little has come to be of those plans. I had thought of having a deep vein thrombosis challenge and watch back to back the three extended versions of the Lord of the Rings. I think that seemed more daunting this morning when thinking about being bed ridden for twelve hours with only toilet breaks on each disc change. Think about it, it would have been an order and a half. However I have enjoyed lying in bed reading a nice book and watching some good white trash day time telly. I am indulging in the shows I forbade myself from watching whilst unemployed.

Avoiding Jeremy Kyle and the fact that they sold my local pub (and the fact that they don't open until the evening) has saved my liver and my giro from being cashed at the pub every lunch time. But I have watched Jeremy Kyle in the last couple of days and gloated on laughing at other people's misfortunes. For all our readers from foreign lands, Jeremy Kyle is a poor man's version (trying to be sophisticated) of Jerry Springer. The joys of idleness.

This entry is a small farewell and thank you to all the people that have read or come across this little place of mine. It is not a definitive good bye, you cannot get rid of me this easily. However for legal and moral reasons... the blog will undergo a big change come Monday. I can only leave that as a surprise and hope that you return. The most shocking thing, is the fact that my stories won't improve dramatically once I start working. I will have stories of other people more often, all of which I will not be able to use their real names or the name of my employers. But I hope that if I have managed to entertain you somehow, I can continue doing so in the near future.

So I wish you all the best and thank you for your support and your comments and hope that you return to this little place once it has been revamped. Thank you all and you will hear from me soon.

There are three episodes of the Dolecasts already available. Today and tomorrow I shall be recording the final episode of that series. Soon to continue the podcasting work under a new guise. Thank you and see you soon.

Dolecasts available.

2006-11-24T15:12:00.000Z

Hello there. Hope you are well. Well, just a quick update on what's been happening.

The one job that I mentioned recently, with whom I've already had three phone interviews and two face to face interviews, seem to still be dicking me around. Had my second face to face interview with them on Tuesday, though they only confirmed the time on Monday at around 5 pm. They said that it would take a couple of days and I am still waiting, today being Friday.

Apart from that, today I had my review meeting as it is three months that I have been on the dole. God, it makes me feel soooooo dirty. So they just wanted to see that I have been actually looking for a job rather than sitting at home watching Trisha. Because every time I go to sign on I have to take proof of job applications and (if any) interviews, they knew I have been busy at it. The bloke was quite pleased that he wasn't going to ask me for any proof. I had to pull print outs out and interview confirmations. He was about to let me go, having taken my word for it. Seriously... and honestly.

Well, the main thing for this update is to share with all of you beautiful people the complimentary to the blog. Now close your eyes for a second and imagine some drum rolls... Tada!!! We have a Dolecast!!! Actually, I have recorded 2 Dolecasts now and will get the third one under way very soon.

This blog sets the standard for the Dolecasts but it has some things that have not been published here. If you want to and have the time I invite you to download them, listen to them and let me know what you think. They are a work in progress and slowly I am beginning to settle into it. I would like to believe that they are already improving, but you'd be the one to decide.

http://peyotitlan.jellycast.com/podcast/feed/2

If you listen to them, as I said, I would really appreciate any honest feedback and if you want to rate it on the Jellycast website, that'd be great. Well, without further ado... I am off.

Heather Mills interview and situation.

2006-11-22T08:40:00.000Z

First of all we have to make things clear. We are not here to judge her or ridicule her, simply to highlight a couple of things.

This divorce has been on the press for so long that it is even difficult to remember when one first got sick of it. For me is very easy to be impartial as I can't stand either her or Sir Paul. Whether if she is or isn't a gold digger, is not within my interests and frankly I couldn't give a shit.

The funny thing is that she is British, lives in the UK... is hated in the UK. So to clean up her image and save face she gives a TV interview... in the US. It doesn't make any sense, but that seems to have been her choice. But here comes the main point for this entry, one thing she said in the interview:

'...I would rather someone come up and chop all my limbs off, than go through what I went through...'

Sorry love, REMAINING LIMBS...

Weekend round up.

2006-11-20T10:13:00.000Z

The weekend was a mixed bag but great over all. So here is a recap from Friday.

On Friday I continued to be dicked around by the company that had previously interviewed me twice over the phone (1 hr each) and once in person (another hour there plus travelling). Today is three weeks to the day from my face to face interview. On Friday they called me again (another 45 minutes). To sum it all up, they called me to re-do (pretty much) my first phone interview. Brilliant isn't it? Went for now the fourth time over my CV and answered the same questions. The nice thing at the end of the chat was the bloke telling me 'Don't think we're messing you about, but... I still want to talk to a couple more people... and hopefully we'll get back to you on Monday to see if you can come for a face to face interview' Thank you for not dicking me around. The worst thing is that though, obviously, I am beginning to go off this company... if they were to offer the job, I would take it as I need it badly.

Friday night went to the pub with a mate and as it is a tradition now, some freak sat at our table and managed to shock us and make us laugh for hours afterwards. The bloke at first seemed nearly human but was quickly to address that misconception. Within minutes he shared with us some rather awkward and intimate details. About his divorce and how now he is 'with this really fit bird. She is gorgeous... and she's filthy. Seriously mate, she is absolute filth... I have pissed in her mouth' honestly, I am not lying here, his words not mine. Then he told me a 'SECRET' he learnt from the Navy and had to sign the National Secrets Act. Funnily enough I actually knew that piece of information and told him so. When he asked me how I knew about this, my reply was 'Can't tell you mate, it is a national secret...' He looked a bit pissed off.

He asked us if we lived near by. I told him that I lived in the next town and my mate told him that he live a couple of blocks away. This bloke lived a couple of block away too. And when my mate asked him where he lived, three times he answered 'I'm not fucking telling you...' in a matter of fact tone, that might have felt a bit awkward or intimidating by the third repetition.

Regarding sports, it was a bad weekend for myself in the UK. Both my football team Fulham FC and my rugby (union) club London Irish lost over the weekend. My football club in Mexico, Chivas won to my great relief.

Sunday was glorious. A few mates from Mexico that live in London came down for a late lunch. Not only was their company great, but they brought all the food and a few beers. That was splendid as the washing up I have to do today is minimal for that of entertaining guests. The food was delicious. A mate's brother (Poncho) made Tortas ahogadas. A typical dish from Guadalajara, see the photos attached. All I can say is that they were delicious and can't wait to have them again. They are basically a hard crust roll with pork (seared and then roasted with spices and honey) with some beans. Then you drench it with a tomato/herbs/spices sauce. Add some onions and then chili sauce to taste. They were nothing short from amazing. I will get the recipe and try and emulate such perfection.

Anyway, hope you had a great weekend too and I'll leave it here.

Personal update.

2006-11-16T10:43:00.000Z

Greetings beautiful people. As you can see, I am still here and sadly I am still sponging off my previous contributions. Just a quick note to bring you up to date with the latest happenings and non-events I have faced in the last few days.

You all know about the fact that I am now a 'published writer'. I wrote and submitted a little piece for the well known Private Eye magazine, of political satire and critique fame. Ha, I submitted a stupidity that somebody had said and it got printed in the Colemansballs section. If you have the current issue, it is the very last one from the Fulham FC fitness manager. If you find it and read it, please do not publish my real identity as this I have managed successfully to keep it a secret, unlike Superman, Spiderman, Batman and the list goes on...

I still haven't heard anything back from the last interview that I had, nearly three weeks ago. Yesterday I finally got from the agency a 'They are keen on you, they just want to see a few more people'. Just as a friend of a girlfriend told me when I was 15, only just beginning to heal that one.

I did 4 hours of temporary work yesterday. Though it was just about half a day, having had run 4 miles shortly before I got the call, I found it all a bit tiring. The one good thing was that though there was an office full of call centre people, I was able to keep my head down and let my empty thoughts drown out the noise. It wasn't even necessary for me to get my MP3 player out. I have applied for a few more roles and checked today that the folder where I keep all the application receipts, contains over 200 messages. There you go, just for your peace of mind and to show you that I've not been scratching my balls and watching Jeremy Kyle all along.

It is so frustrating though. The funniest thing is that if I don't have an interview, I don't shave. So now it is getting all back to the respectable levels of a prepubescent beard. Thank you Genetics!!! It is mighty funny the following image. I need you to look closely at it and pay attention on the change of tones. I took this photo the other day when I got back from a run. I took it mainly because of the shape of the sweat patch on my chest. If I'd planned it, it would have not happened and I promise it was not tampered with. Leave a comment on the shape of it and what you think please.

I have been adding random photos to the entries as I believe it makes it more attractive and it takes some pressure off from the quality of my writing. Most of the photos are taken with my phone and that is why the quality on some of them is not amazing, but I'd like to share some of my favourites here with you all. Apart from all the mad nonsense from above I have done some cleaning in the flat. Having a mild OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and don't ever make me repeat that explanation) makes it great for cleaning. The bathroom not only experienced a cleaning, but more what I would call either 'Clinical' or 'Forensic' cleaning. Very nice indeed, but distressing as it was taking place. Today I am hoovering and doing the dishes. I bet you are all so jealous now.

Something else that I have been focusing my idle brain on is the 'Dolecasts'. I admit that I have only so far recorded the pilot episode. You have not hear it as I am very critical and think you all deserve something better. However, I have felt the recent pressure recently and I will record at least a couple more. I feel my unemployment status might be changing soon and I could not cheat you. I could never record a Dolecast if I wasn't a Dole Scum. When the impending change takes place, this will all go through a transformation that I have to keep under wraps until the time is right. Until then I hope you can continue joining me in my mental (imaginary, not as in disability) adventures.

I'm a celebrity?

2006-11-14T10:42:00.000Z

After several meetings at ITV, they have agreed to rename their succesful reality TV show for next year.

The name will change from "I'm a celebrity get me out of here" to:

I once used to be on telly but not long enough for you to actually remember me and am only doing this to resucitate a more than stale or moribund career with no talent what so ever and having forgotten about my dignity and all self respect, GET ME OUT OF HERE... but not before I have been over exposed or early enough for me to stay at the luxury hotel until the end of the series as I have not had a good meal or a fixed abode since last time you saw me on television.

Pete Doherty, Arena special (BBC2 12/11/06)

2006-11-13T09:25:00.000Z

WARNING: ALL THE COMMENTS MADE HERE ARE PERSONAL OPINIONS AND SOLELY BASED ON PERSONAL (MIS)JUDGEMENT.

Last night we were all treated to a documentary following, ex-Libertine, Pete Doherty.

Without much further ado, the documentary was exactly what I expected. It was a sad attempt to glorify a useless cunt. They bloke might have some talent, though I disagree with the level that has been accredited to him for the last three or four years. I remember the first time I read about the Libertines. They sounded like something fresh and back to the old skool of junkie rock and roll. Needless (or should it be needles) to say, in my opinion they could never live up to the NME hype.

They are not, or ever were, a band that would change music or your way of thinking. Forget even about glamourizing heroin, in my opinion they have only about three decent tracks and only one that I really like (Time for heroes). My main problem with Pete Doherty is NME and the news papers. Though, he argued on the documentary that he never reads the papers or is aware of how much coverage he gets, I doubt it.

He is a pretentious tosser that has bought into his own hype and regards himself as an artist who suffers for his art. He is not an artist, he is not a genious and all the suffering might come from all those times he has tried to go Cold turkey. The most amazing thing is how vacuous are the lives of some of his fans. I bet you that if he went to a male fan of his and offered to blow him so that he could get some smack, the male fan would be offended at Pete lowering himself and he in return would offer to blow him and buy him all the smack for one week.

The desperate faces and screams from the shows. I know what it is like to feel passionate about a band you are going to see. Maybe even have been nervous trying to approach them if I see them on the streets... But, fucking hell, the way his fans screamed and how their faces go all red and their eyes pop out, only reminded me of Chelsea, Arsenal and Man Utd fans, you do the maths.

The one talent that I would give him is that he is the first person I have seen on telly 'painting' with a needle (as in hypodermic) and his own blood off his tits on something. The only similar thing I can think of is when people 'painted' with their seed (aka spunk). The documentary was boring and it gave me as much an insight into what I already assumed. In a way I wanted to feel sorry for the rest of the band (Babyshambles) for what is going on. Maybe have one good show out of fifteen, maybe actually get to do a show... But I don't really feel sorry for them, as though they might be his mates, they are as well hangers on, basking on Doherty's attention and fame.

Something hilarious is when they showed clips of a show they played recently. The one where Kate Moss sang backing vocals in a couple of tracks. It was amazing to see that she can be as pathetic as Posh Spice (aka Victoria Beckham). There was something seriously desperate about the few glimpses that we got. This truly surprised me as I imagined her a strong character that was helping PD out of all this mess. She might be, but that didn't come across.

To sum all this up, the documentary was OK, sadly the subject proved to be less interesting that one might have hoped. And now my three scenarios concerning him have intensified my fears.

Number one, as sick as I am to hear and read about him (even if I avoid it) all the time. With NME having turned themselves into a Pete Doherty Heat or Celeb shite magazine journal. In cases like this you might wish the person to die. However in this case, I want him to stay alive. If the hype is as it is right now, if he died, no matter what they would try and turn him into a new Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin type of legend where it would be truly undeserving and disrespectful to the memory of Jimi and the lot.

Number two, god I wish he would die just to get him off the papers in fifteen years, though as mentioned above, his dead would make it far worse.

Number three, I'd be really pissed off if the following were to happen. Lets say that he manages to stay clean. Lets say that he get his act together and focuses all the shit the drove him to despair into a productively creative form. I fucking dread to think that one day he might actually release a seminal album that could change the music scene and the way we all think. The would be an ironic twist that would kick me in the nuts and laugh at my face.

Whatever happens with him, I know you'll be able to read about it every week in the NME. Just like you have been able to for the last three or four years. I am sick of him and so bored of waiting to hear something gifted coming from him. In my opinion he does not deserve the hype and he's not even funny to watch. Fuck him and may he live long.

Guest 500

2006-11-12T12:39:00.000Z

If you are the 500th person to look at this blog, please leave a message and thank you very, very much.

Ha, ha...

2006-11-09T13:06:00.000Z

My prayers have been answered!!!

I submitted the entry from the Fulham fitness manager to Private eye and they are publishing it. Because of that I am now the proud winner of the valuable sum of £10. I think that might be put forward to pay for the hosting of the dolecasts.

As soon as I get the prize money I will pay it and set up the link for all of you to get bored or offended.

Thanks for reading. Keep on reading. And hopefully you'll be listening to some drivel soon enough.

----- Original Message -----
From: "Strobes" <strobes@private-eye.co.uk>
To: "Peyotitlan"
Sent: Thursday, November 09, 2006 11:57 AM
Subject: RE: Coleman balls...

You have recently sent Private Eye a submission.
We have published your submission.

Please send your address for payment. 1171

Projects and status.

2006-11-09T10:04:00.000Z

Greetings my beautiful and exclusive (not to insult you by calling you small) audience.

As you can see, not much has changed since I started this blog. Sadly I am still unemployed and that is not for lack of trying to stop it. I am still applying for as many jobs as I can and am still here. Recently I went to some temping (temporary work) agencies in my town. Turning up makes them take your details there and then, apart from that I don't think there is much change.

They are the estate agents of the employment world. They judge my skills even though I'd be more than happy to get paid just to stuff envelopes. Still, they eye you up and down making you feel like a dirty tart trying to gate crash a private function.

This morning I got up as early as usual, 6.30 though you might not believe me. Had breakfast with my wife before she went to work. Took a shower immediately after she left, just on the off chance that I got to go to work somewhere this morning...

I am still waiting for the call, however, I am showered now. That would have not taken place until near 11 after I'd come back from my run, but there you go. I have searched and applied for a couple of jobs and now decided to update you on all the latest gossip.

You see, I thought I would feel dirtier going to the temping agencies and being eyed up and down. However it didn't feel half as bad as signing on every other week. The problem to going to sign on is the fact that not only are you keeping tabs on your (un)success(ful) rate at getting a job. You have to as well show to somebody how many jobs you have failed to get, yet applied for.

I try and keep myself under some pressure so that I don't spend the morning 'flicking myself to Trisha' or down the pub. But fucking hell!!! I find it frustrating enough looking at the number of applications and the little response.

Hopefully I'll be temping and employment being a jealous mistress, will come hounding after me once I have something going on somewhere else. If not, as long as I can buy Christmas cards, a present for my wife and the ocassional pint, would keep me quiet. The funniest thing about the prospect of temping is that I will be working for a small company in a small town, in a small office; they will be more anal about me wearing a shirt and tie than many bigger companies in bigger cities would mind. All that for the pride of stuffing envelopes. See my desperation that now I find it funny rather than humiliating!?!?! I need an income and I need it now.

On a different note, I have been busy hitting the next blog button and viewing several other blogs. I have left comments on the ones that I like or agree. Some people reply to them and can compliment on my blog. Thank you all for visiting and thank you for leaving a comment. Though one that cracked me up as it was as honest and spot on is the following '...and seeing as you are no stranger to the "dirty and selfish" hunt for hits...'. He could have not been more right and me more embarrassed. He then proposed that we keep an eye on each other's blog and that I will do. I will continue looking at the others and believe me that I was honest in my comments.

All the blogs where I didn't leave a comment is perhaps because I would have been invited to be aggressive and rude and offensive and I don't really like doing that to strangers.

On the new projects. Well, well, well... as mentioned in a previous entry, this is an idea that Kate J had. I have begun trialing the world of podcasting. Ha, I know!?!?! I have recorded a pilot episode of the 'Dolecasts' and trying a few things there. I have to get used to listening to it and making it flow better. The funniest thing is that Kate's idea came because I was wasting too much of her time with the blog... ha, ha, ha. I am wasting every one's time, including my never ending supply of spare time.

So once it all gets to an acceptable level and I cough up with the £10 needed for the hosting, it will all be there for you to access. I will of course make a song and dance about it and set up a link here. The downloads will be free as I actually haven't got any money to pay you all to download it.

I'll leave it at that as it is already too long and I will have to add images hoping that you got to this bit. If you got all the way down here and the pictures still make no sense with the text... sorry.

Gotan Project live @ Brixton Academy 3 Nov

2006-11-06T16:20:00.000Z

Gotan Project at Brixton academy 3 Nov 06. I would give it four four and a half out of five stars.

It was an amazing gig. You can see in the photos that they did the most of the stage and had a gigantic screen where they projected amazing visuals. They played a mix from their three albums.

They came on stage all dressed in white. Two violinists, one viola, one cello, one piano, an accordion, singer, guitarrist, DJ and the main guy on his laptop. It was fantastic. A good mix of up beat and mellow tracks with stunning images playing on the background that helped you lose yourself.

One of the personal highlights was when on the screen a gigantic MC walked behind the band and started MC'ing in Spanish. All this while the violins, viola, accordion and DJ are going crazy playing with all their might. The song dipped for a second, only for another MC to join on the screen and they start alternating at an amazing speed in the closest thing that it was intelligible Spanish.

They did two encores and on the second one an MC (made of flesh and blood) joined them on stage for the last track. They went on for another 10 or maybe 15 minutes with the MC working the crowd brilliantly whilst the band wore themselves down in a frantic Tango mele.

Brief update.

2006-11-06T10:57:00.000Z

Greetings all. I had a fantastic birthday weekend and a great Saturday night. As usual, I didn't take any photos so it will all have to remain committed to a beery memory.

Sadly today I am feeling rather poorly. I do not want to go into details but it is not nice and I feel fairly ill.

Once I recover from this bug I shall update you on various different subjects that truly interest me. As well I have started taking steps into an illuminated suggestion from Kate J, thank you. All I can say is that I have downloaded the software and run one little test... and it worked!!!

So once I have a few spare minutes I shall draw up a list and then get working on that marvelous yet rather disturbing idea. I wish I could say fear not, but then I would be giving you all a false sense of hope and security. All I can suggest is for you to wait and sit tight and see in how many wonderful ways we can expand this little space.

Anyway, I am off now for what I hope will be a speedy recovery as I need to start temping this week and get on with the new little project. And I promise that the new project will not distract me from this. That is a threat that I promise I will honour.

More on Madonna's adoption...

2006-11-01T13:13:00.000Z

This is about Madonna about adopting that kid. The fact that Madonna is adopted is still a media secret. So please don't go telling anyone. Anyway, it is about the adoption process she has found herself embroiled in. As she has not actually adopted the kid, yet she has still managed to get him out of Malawi and into the UK. As odd and suspicious it all has become.

Here is an extract from an article on NME.COM and it is hilarious...

...Madonna added that there were "many conditions" that made her "worry for his life"."One was the fact that, according to the reverend who ran the orphanage that David came from, his father never visited him," she told the BBC's Newsnight in an interview to be broadcast on November 1. "His father lived 50 or 60km away, had not car, had no money and, as far as I was told, had remarried and moved on with him life."...

It seems that no matter what, she'll get to keep the kid. So lets wish the best to the little man and hope that Madonna isn't the one to teach him how to speak English. Imagine the poor little boy coming up with such, incorrect, nonsense and with a bit of an american accent.

Dead air by Iain Banks

2006-11-01T08:17:00.000Z

I have finally finished reading Dead air. It wasn't too much of a struggle, but it wasn't that much of an enjoyable ride either.

I am not saying that it is all bad, but I personally think it is far, far away from being back on the top of the pile. My first concern comes from the fact that it doesn't flow as nicely as some of his previous books. At moments I felt that he was competing with himself, with previous books, rather than let the story develop more naturally. It is like listening to a new album by Red hot chili peppers. It is trying to sound like its old self, completely ignoring that it is the same person writing the damn thing.

Sadly some of the best moments are 'arguments' or 'rants' that the main character is having about either terrorist attacks, the war on terror, Israel and all those 'controversial' issues. The problem I found was the fact is that an incredible number of people are very aware of the on going argument and most people that I know would agree with him. The problem is that it feels that it was written just to upset people. If I want to read those arguments I simply buy the news papers or read John Pilger.

One thing that seriously disappointed me was the fact that it is to some extent a love story. Nothing wrong with that but though some incidents add an edge to it, it still has a happy ending and it doesn't quite fit in. The grim feeling and scene we encounter on the penultimate chapter washes down by the time you read the second page of the last chapter. In essence is an Iain Banks book, but to me it felt more like a ghost writer filling in for him and going through a check list. Everything that one would expect to be there, is there, but it is rather vacuous.

It didn't help that a third into the book I had two potential images for the main character. One of them was Ricky Gervais and the other was Mr. Banks himself. You can't take it seriously after that. Even worse was when I reached the half way point. Mr. Gervais and Mr. Banks fused into one to become the main character. Their fusion resulted in none other than Rory McGrath. The rest is down hill.

Though one is redeemed by a glimpse of the straight-forwardness, simplicity and wit of the Iain Banks one has read and respects. This brief glimpse comes in the shape of chapter 10 'Location, location, location'. Though that chapter might not justify purchasing the book, nor dismissing it completely. I would advise you to have a cheeky look next time you are in a book shop.

Reading, listening, watching...

2006-10-26T16:03:00.000+01:00

As you know that I have some time to spare throughout my day here is an update and reviews of the things that have helped me fill some of it...

Currently reading or finished recently:

(Read) This I believe by Carlos Fuentes (Essays): This is a collections of essays in various different subjects. He uses the alphabet and has an entry for each letter and his thoughts about it. I really love his writing and truly wish I had read this particular book in Spanish. Carlos Fuentes is a Mexican national treasure. I can only recommend him so highly and enjoy his books. They are a very good insight to Mexican life and culture and to the culture clash between Mexico and the USA (some of them). I would recommend The crystal frontier, The years with Laura Diaz and Old Gringo.

(Read) Archangel by Robert Harris (Fiction): This is a fantastic book that restored my faith in him. Fatherland was priceless and gripping, everything that Enigma wasn't. Archangel was read recently when I was mainly reading historical novels or historical/research books. I might not sound like the kind of person that indulges in this, but it is a damn good read. The pace of it and all those things I didn't really know about Stalin (will read more about him now). The best thing was the ending. Though it was obvious, the beautiful touch of stopping right there and then. You know what is going to happen... and then the screen goes black and the credits roll, if it were a movie, of course.

(Read) The dark tower (VI) by Stephen King (Fantasy): I have read all the previous one and I think I enjoyed as far as number V. The new one makes, in my own opinion, too many references to Tolkien. He mentions a few times about this being an epic so much so that I was put off by the pushyness of it all. I will read the last book of it, just like I watched the second Star Wars trilogy. Hoping that it can redeem itself and go back to the good thing that it was and it could be.

(Read) Broken Angels by Richard Morgan (Sci-fi): This is the second of a now trilogy (Altered carbon, Broken Angels and Woken furies). The first book is fantastic and it made me think, whilst reading it, that this could have been the new Bladerunner. The second book is brilliant but it is a slower read to begin with. Too much back history trying to explain things that are not relevant to the story, though they might build a better picture of that time and events, possibly for a long series. It is a good book and it is fast paced when it takes off the ground. Some brilliant concepts and spot on descriptions.

(Reading) Dead air by Iain Banks (Fiction): I have only just started this but it is shaping up. It reads OK but like most Iain Banks' fans I think that it is now trying to be controversial to keep up with himself rather than the story just developing in such way. The Wasp factory was as fantastic as it was twisted and gripping. That story was trying to break through throughout the whole book. Sadly most of his other books that I've read (of the fiction, not the Sci-fi ones) it feels that he is pushing a square peg of controversy in to the round hole of a lame story. To my opinion his best book by a mile is The Crow road which I would highly recommend every time.

Currently listening:

Many things, mainly podcasts and old albums.

Podcasts:

Ricky Gervais of course, but I am afraid I over played them and the laughter begun to run dry. I am taking a break from them at the moment, but they are brilliant. Three more to come in between now and the end of the year.

Adam and Joe. I am surprised at how few people remember them or now of them in the UK. They are very funny and they are all quite brief.

The Pub Landlord, Al Murray. This are mainly taken from a show he is doing on Virgin radio. He is brilliant at the simplicity of his humour and I've been cracking up all week listening to them. They have a meat raffle and people calling in to tell them about drunken injuries or their Sunday lunch food.

Music:

Mainly albums that I have bought over the years and not play often enough. Nick Cave and the bad seeds, Pink Floyd's back catalogue, Radiohead, Muse, Lee 'Scratch' Perry's Arkology and some Beethoven.

Watching:

Neighbours the ill fated and boring Australian soap opera that pretends to have one foot on reality.

Lead Balloon with Jack Dee. A sitcom that he has written that so far has left me hoping for more. He has apparently been signed and is currently writing a second series. Hopefully they will get rid of the american bloke that makes me angry and of the token 'awkward' character that runs the cafe.

Spooks. MI5 series from the BBC that has actually disappointed me. The previous four series were good over all and with a bit of an edge. Now they seem to have jumped in to the innuendo writing and shit acting bandwagon. One of the big mistakes? The leader of the unit shags the babysitter and tells her he is a spy because she threatens to call social services because he doesn't spend enough time with his kid. For fuck's sake.

And finally... That Mitchell and Webb look. A brilliant sketch show. Here is one of the highlights for you to enjoy too...

Odds and sods...

2006-10-26T15:17:00.000+01:00

Basically here and now I will write all the little things that I have thought about and forgot to write in when they would have made sense. Some other things that have really no place but inside my head and need to get out and so on...

To begin with, it is mainly to do with me running. As you might have read of me going on about it, I like it, am proud of it and hopefully will help me lose weight. The funny thing about it is what happens after I run. Obviously I break sweat and some times rather profusely.
The mad thing about it is no just sweating or the normal smell of sweat. The thing that is driving me crazy is the fact that my fleece ends up smelling of lighter fluid (?!?!?!). It doesn't make sense in any possible way. I could understand if it smelt of garlic or anything that I have eaten the day before... and before you go any further, NO, I have not been drinking lighter fluid.
It is weird and troubling, hasn't kept me up all night, but it still makes me think about it more than I should. The day of the 10km run I actually had to light incense and open a window in order to air the flat. It didn't help that I hung the clothes to dry in the living room, mind you...

Next it will be the fact that I am so jealous - and desperate - about the fact that I hardly get any hits onto this thing. Especially if you look at a mate's blog. Of course, his is professional and actually interesting and relevant things get written on it. My desperation is such that the other day a girl in Lagos tried to start a chat (messenger style) and instead of my usual 'fuck off' I started chatting with her. All with the dirty and selfish purpose to give her the address of the blog and get her to look at it. Ha, ha. You can see the red dot on the map, on the western coast of Africa. If you are american and don't know quite where or what is Africa, try googling it and then come back.
Shame on me for chatting on line and not being interested on what she was wearing or doing or anything else. I even asked her to send it to some of her friends (?!?!?!?) in the futile hope that I will, like Prince Phillip, will become an icon or cult hero in some remote country. I am sure that there is some un-written law for chatting on-line with strangers. I am sure that you must try and reach the 'SEX' subject in the shortest possible time. I reduced myself to the level of fat, shy and socially challenged perverts... where will this end?

About those times where you'll do anything or absolutely nothing... for the simple reason that you are avoiding doing something. Confused? Like how many times do you pretend to be occupied not to do 'the washing up' other things you can't be arsed to do. This might mainly, or only, happen to you over the weekend. Watching Final Score so you don't hoover. Pop out for a cigarette not to hang the laundry. There are plenty of examples and am sure you are thinking of many more now. For me, in my current situation, is harder to avoid something. That is a good reason as it has kept the flat within some sort of order and cleanliness level. Thanks to that, the flat won't be closed down by a health inspector.

One of the other random things that come to mind and I haven't shared with you is the amazing thing of checking random blogs. You might have come across this one by accident or because you are fed up of me asking you to look at it.
Some of the blogs I have seen when hitting the 'next blog' button. You'd be surprised by the amount of either religious or right wing (or a mix of both) that you come across. Then you find a nice one and read a few things, never to see it again. Though one of my big rules is that if there is a photo of a child or a baby is to immediately skip to the next blog. There is something weird about it that I hate and cannot stay there.

And finally that things that haven't and might not make it here. One of them is an extensive list of all the people I want to spit on their graves. A bit controversial and I have been advised by my legal team and censors (my wife) not to publish such list. I would love it if we could all just write 20 people we would like to spit on their graves, doesn't matter if thy are still alive, don't worry.

Anyway. Hope you read this again some day and it would be cool to get your list. You never know, if I get a few lists I shall publish them all in an entry.

Up coming Birthday!!!

2006-10-24T15:05:00.000+01:00

Stuff Guy Fawkes, he was a traitor anyway...

It is my birthday on the 4th and I would like you to join me to bid farewell to my 28th and embrace the last year of my 20s.

So if you are one of the very few people who reads this... you are welcome to drop by.

Stabbings are not welcome and being a bit optimistic I am hoping that only friendly people will turn up, ha, ha.

So the details are as follows:

Date: 04/11/06

Time: 19:00 hrs onwards (7pm)

Venue: The Project Orange (43 St. Johns Hill, Clapham, London, SW11 1TT )

Directions: From Clapham Junction Station. Come out, cross the road and turn right. Walk up for about 400yds, it is just past an offie and a fried chicken place.

Internet map: http://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=527216&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;y=175351&z=0&ar=Y

Last week.

2006-10-24T11:58:00.000+01:00

Well hope you are all well.

Just a quick update on last week. My mood seems to have improved as soon as I put an expiry date on my unemployed status. This decision came due to either getting annoyed at not having money to do anything or to being to embarrassed when asked what I was doing at the moment... Or may because some twat has been leaving comments on my posts with one of those scams of 'I am making $900 a week in my spare time by joining this website'. Believe me if I was so gullible and wanted to get into pyramid sales/schemes, I would join the church, it is the same, but people say that it makes you feel better.

I have had three phone interviews for which I am waiting for a response. The worst thing about phone interviews is that it is harder for you to tell when they cringe at your stupid reply. Things are OK and now I know/have decided that if nothing comes this way within the next couple of weeks I will be temping until something appropriate comes up.

You might have noticed the 10km signs on top... that might be because I have for the first time, attempted and succeeded to run 10km. And in the more than decent time of 1hr 10min. I have stuck to the running regime because I soooooo badly need to lose weight. The trick is actually working to some extent. I have begun to reduce on size but the weight is yet to start dropping. The whole process at the moment resembles that of peeling an onion. Slowly shedding layer after layer, though the crying comes at the beginning.

I first noticed the difference when I dressed up for an interview and my DD double chin seems to have reduced to an F cup. I could actually breath and put a finger in between the collar and my neck. Though there is a disadvantage to exercising... my kneecap felt as if it have been treated by the I.R.A. the next morning. I was pretty much bed ridden by Sunday. Though, fear not as I went for a short run today and nothing fell off.

Anyhow, I better go and have a sit down wallow in self pity and practice 'pain' faces for when my wife gets home.

Celebrity adoptions.

2006-10-18T09:07:00.000+01:00

al‧tru‧ist (al-troo-ist) -noun
a person unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others (opposed to egoist).

Might as well jump in the band wagon and share my thoughts in the ever present saga of celebrities adopting children from impoverished countries/backgrounds.

This I see not as an overwhelming desire from the celebrities to help people, not entirely at least. Though some good intentions must be somewhere, I see it more like a fashion and a grandiose self-pat on the back. It is a show about how benevolent they are and how much they care.

Sticking to current debate let me point out a couple of things about Madonna adopting a child. It is fine and soooooooo nice of her to be so kind. Something that she has really going for her and will definitely help her case is not only is she loaded but this is soooooooo important and close to her heart that she sent the babysitter to collect the child. She was probably too busy to go or it wasn't as safe as going the last time with an entire TV crew to record her generosity. Though this might be good as the kid will probably spend more time with her once the adoption goes through. They need to familiarise.

Below are a couple of exerts from articles and their links to what I think it is important to highlight:

Malawi law requires would-be parents to live in the country for a year while social welfare officers investigate their ability to care for the child.
Foreigners are not allowed to adopt children - but these rules appear to have been waived in Madonna's case.
Source GMTV

The singer said she wanted to "open up our home and help ONE child escape an extreme life of hardship, poverty and in many cases death". Source BBC News

The bullet points are very straight forward and one can always overcome such obstacles with some cash or in this case, showing enough interest and good intention. However, the BBC one is more important to me. She specifically reduces the benefit to ONE child. With all the money already spent, the cost of the babysitter (who will actually spend most of the time with the child) and all the posh clothes... IN A LIFE TIME... couldn't that help to buy HIV suppressant drugs for the community where the little boy comes from?!?!?

Maybe that is just me being cynical. Maybe that is me not understanding their altruistic nature. The funniest thing is that I don't really see the kids growing up that aware of their origins or the troubles that plague their homelands. They might grow to be spoilt brats who will not rally for the same cause of their adoption.

It seems to me now that these kids have been reduced to fashion accessories. You will have to check for next season whether if Chinese is the new Black.

So damn Mia Farrow for so long ago starting this fashion. And remember the ending in the Farrow/Allen foreign baby adoption story...

Personal update.

2006-10-17T17:08:00.000+01:00

Greetings.

After a couple of rants that have got me nowhere or make me feel better, I though I might do a proper journal entry.

The past week or two have been pretty much the same. That is the reason why I was forced into ranting and not sharing the exciting events in my life.

On the highlights of the last two weeks have been my wedding anniversary. For which I was so skint that all I could buy my wife was a book that I knew she wanted and then I baked some scones. That was as far as my budget could stretch. The scones turned out nicely, though I made them too thin and a bit big, so they were more like scone biscuits. They did taste like scones though.

I think in the last couple of weeks I have experience some sort of growth, mainly focused in the culinary areas. After the scones I have now ventured into soup making. This is a cheap way to make lunch for a week (4 days generally, being honest). The first week I was cautious and only made a humble bacon and lentil soup. I added my personal touch by adding a bit of garlic and a chili. This week I have made a Jerusalem artichoke curried soup (actually cauliflower as there was no artichoke).

On the job front it has been as frustrating as the recent past. So much so that I have now set myself a deadline and if I haven't got a job that I want by then, then I will take almost anything that can take me to the new year. This is simply facing reality but something that still seems to horrify me. I fear that I will be stuck in a shop or something like that wasting away my career and watching my skills die slowly of asphyxiation by the layers of dust that has begun accumulating over them. I do not want your sympathy or your money, I want a good job.

Though on a lighter note... I have another interview tomorrow (18/10/06) and calls from agencies have picked up considerably in the last few days. Probably all the agencies are trying to make as much money now as this is their last chance for good contracts or permanent positions this side of Christmas. I am just hoping that they can help me find something soon enough, if only to wing it until the new year. I don't want a Dickensian Christmas, I don't want to be the tiny Tim that has to be put down before boxing day...

Weetabix Week.

2006-10-17T16:21:00.000+01:00

Greetings. For all those of you that are sick of the Weetabix week adverts please join me.

For those that don't know what Weetabix is... it is basically Chipboard biscuits. It is a cereal that tastes and looks just like chipboard.

Recently they have been advertising and promoting what they call the 'Weetabix Week'. This is trying to get people to eat Weetabix every morning for a week in as many permutations you can come up with.

What really gets on my tits is the fact that they have this pretend families, yet none of them disfunctional enough to be real. With cute little speccy kids with some sort of speech impediment. Such speech impediment is never attributed to the product grating through their tongue's and throats ripping their souls and vocal chords throughout consumption.

I personally hate Weetabix, in case you couldn't tell, but I have been instructed in what is the best way to eat it. Hot milk and sugar so it goes all mushy. Yet all the adverts have it with yogurt, fruit etc. In my eyes that is like telling you to eat a rock or a turd covered in custard, that'll make it alright...

If they were to show real families, why not (just for a laugh), show one of those fucked up families that are always at the supermarket when you do your groceries shopping. Don't pretend you haven't noticed them or cringed when they come near you. Sidetracking a little bit here... you shop there at the same time. Are you as disfunctional and grotesque as they are? Ask yourself that.

They should show the freak having them with pasta sauce, in a tofu stir fry, with salt and vinegar and so on...

There is as much point to this entry as there is to the adverts. They do not say like most other cereals that you will lose weight or anything other than you'll be eating Weetabix in various different and wacky ways.

Go on, be adventurous... I dare you.

David Cameron?

2006-10-12T20:31:00.000+01:00

From the Fulham FC Website...

2006-10-12T12:33:00.000+01:00

This is an extract from the fitness coach of Fulham FC. This is as relevant as the rest of the entries here so fear not.
As some of you might know, or have just found out, I am a Fulham supporter. Enough about me, lets get down to the point of it.
This morning I read an interview with the fitness coach for the team. They've got this bloke from Australia that used to do fitness coaching in rugby. The reason why I am making this entry is because of a comment he made that actually puzzled me:

The players as a whole have lost weight and got stronger and more powerful. Many of them have developed muscles on parts of their bodies that they’ve never had.

Would that be the extra arm we have seen the captain concealing inside his shirt? If only our goalie could grow an awkward forearm and hand on the top of his head. Or our strikers grow not only an extra leg, but an extra musclar leg to see if they can score more goals. What the hell is he talking about?
I am aware that I write a load of shite every time and that none of it is taken seriously, I hope. But this guy is trying, or at least hoping, to be taken seriously.

Anyway, if I come up or across with anything else that has wsated my time, I will report it here.

Advertising and television.

2006-10-09T09:47:00.000+01:00

As a lot of you have hinted or thought about... I am reaching the point where I watch a bit of telly throughout the day. I avoid watching daytime television, trying to keep it down to lunch time only. OK, maybe an extended lunch, but believe me my options are limited.

One thing that has been making me incredibly angry recently is advertising. I mean, the people who come up with advertising ideas, not only do they lack a soul, but they think we are incredibly stupid. Stupid the people that paid for the 'Halifax' adverts that always rip off a track that it is at least three years old.
In the words of Bill Hicks 'They suck the devil's cock' they are 'Satan's spawn'. I personally, not only agree with it, but would like to extend it to the fact that they are the bastard children of nonces, dentists and estate agents. Not only that, but they are a bunch of smug bastards responsible for a quarter of the shit that hits our screens. I know that I am not forced to watch it, but believe me, I know it is awkward to be in a room with someone that makes you turn the volume down when the ads are on.

There is a show that I don't really know why I watch. I know that when I reveal it, you will secretly ask yourself that awkward question... why the fuck do I watch Hollyoaks. It is shocking. I have been here so long that I remember when it was believable!!! That came to an end when the script writers decided on having a bit of 'vigilante' fun and some characters tried to 'get rid' of a drug dealer. Then reality went out with a bang. The explosions begun and the 'late night specials' joined them. The late night specials were there to feed the lust of plenty a parent and pre-teen kids. There wasn't even a cheeky nipple showing to make it worth while. Then, their approach to tackling 'real' issues. People hinting about 'doing it', 'getting some action later' and many cliches avoiding to say the word SEX.

The character consistency is that of a snot. No consistency whatsoever. Mercurial characters that change from one scene to another. The stupid becomes cool, the cool becomes a bully and a loser and at moments it seems that they are all reading the wrong lines, picking the dialogue at random, only making sure to cover the necessary dialogue never minding who was actually supposed to deliver it.

In a nutshell. Hollyoaks with all it shit shallow acting, young pretty girls in skimpy outfits with an equal amount of brains as clothes, surreal situations and a plot and story so full of holes... be honest with yourself, if that is what you look for in a show or video you are fooling yourself there as you'd really rather be watching some good old school porn.

Bush's next war.

2006-10-05T17:11:00.000+01:00

After the tragic incidents in the last fortnight, where the US saw themselves fall victims to three people with handguns walking into schools and killing innocent people; US President George W. Bush called for a press conference.

In the press conference he sent his deepest sympathies to the families of the victims. Bravely as well he promised that his government would be tough and tackle the problem. After several meetings with the Pentagon and the Homeland Security departments they have announced their strategy.

The US is to launch preemptive strikes on all the fire arms that are killing 'Innocent Americans'. This attacks will also go after all the people that are harbouring these weapons in the heart of the nation. Once securing safety in the homeland, they will go after the weapons that are killing innocent Americans abroad. This will serve as a warning to all those weapons that have killed their citizens abroad in the so called friendly fire. 'No home will be safe until we destroy those weapons and the cowards who harbour them...'

The tragic roundabout...

2006-10-05T15:53:00.000+01:00

Still looking for a job and still getting bored and today I got a call from a job I didn't get. I would have been out of my depth and I was aware of that, but it is still not great. I don't think we ever get used to rejection, at least we shouldn't.

Changing the angle of looking at the present situation, I can only be reminded of Icarus. Running around in a maze trying to find the exit. Putting together the wings to fly out of it. Only for them to melt when I was getting close to it... all to fall back to reality and the consequences of unemployment.

'The Outsiders' best TV show ever...

2006-10-04T11:27:00.000+01:00

I know this comes as a bold statement, but believe me I have seen the light.

This show was surprisingly on ITV1 last night (03/10/06). The show was a 'one-of' one and a half hours short. The Outsiders.
Whoever wrote this is someone reaching for all the people who are sick of Da Vinci's code, Mission Impossible and the millions of action movies out there.
The whole thing goes for one and a half hours taking the piss out of every imaginable action sequence and cliches from the spy world. Amazingly they managed to tackle 99% of the cliches within the first half hour. They manage all this by simply mocking the Da Vinci's code and then the running scene of the Bourne supremacy.

The show is so rich in comedy and satirical values that I feel it will become an instant classic. Though the director didn't show the experience or courage of Robert Rodriguez, he still had a go at completely unrealistic 'stunts' and shit special effects.

The little touches are what made it so good. The 'HEAD' of the intelligence group looks like a shaved Sir Alan Sugar. If that is not good enough for you to laugh then wait for the scene where TWO NINJAS are waiting for him in his flat. The ninjas shouldn't be taken lightly as they were sent by the Vatican. Which we all know that apart from eradicating races during the crusades and the inquisition they strengthened themselves. During the Pope's tour of Asia they imprisoned the top ninjas after a struggle in a bar involving some Swiss guard squadies... Lets not stray from the main point...

The bullet points of the satirical genius of Andy Goddard the writer and director of the show:

Vatican ninjas
Scenes inside a castle... showing bare red brick walls.
The fat lawyer asks Are you going to finish that in a restaurant.
Sir Alan Sugar managed to take control of a whole town just to get this twat to do one more job.
The reminder that No one quits.
After a couple of punches on the face, the hero starts hallucinating his estranged daughter.
And that all the sets seemed to have been improvised and filmed inside a council flat.

In brief it is the funniest show I have seen in a while. The only thing that was lacking were the 'BOING' special effects, but then, that might have been pushing it. The beeb should be worried as they think about Little Miss Jocelyn and I'm with stupid compared to this show. It is so good that it can't be real. All I need is for someone to try and rubbish it by telling me it was a serious action/adventure drama.

Coming soon...

2006-10-03T18:26:00.000+01:00

Taking on television...
Inappropriate songs that were out when I was a kid and we all used to sing to...
Simple comparisons...
Maybe, just maybe a controversial list or a discussion as to whether it should be released...

And of course many more ramblings about nothing other than ME, ME, ME... and my single-minded views.

Introducing to you... Porter.

2006-09-27T16:55:00.000+01:00

This is a fantastic young band from Mexico. They have opened for Ian Brown, The Strokes and many others. I don't mention that in order to influence you but simply to inform you.

This is what Mexico should be exporting more of... and footballers of course.

But please, if you are new to this blog or every now and again look at it (which I really doubt apart from me and my wife) please look at this link and give it a chance. Believe me that you will miss more by not listening than by being disappointed.

Porter

Look at the video and please ignore the stupid outfit the lead singer is wearing, give him a chance, he is young and making it fairly big (at home for the time being).
The album was a self release, but it is fantastic. Someting good and with better promotion should come soon.

Hope you enjoy it and if you do please tell other people about it.

Great headline... shit story.

2006-09-27T16:05:00.000+01:00

This is a real news headline and a link to it's disappointing unraveling.

Dog starts car after eating chip

Read and weep.

Finally... Interviews!!!

2006-09-27T11:37:00.000+01:00

Finally I am close to the peak of my transformation from a dole scum into a 'respectable' citizen. Though I don't know if I specified this before. My benefit comes from my own contributions, not from your taxes. Let's be frank, my problem, my burden. Why should I sponge off your taxes when so many other people in the country can do it for me.

The first interview was a disaster from the beginning. In the traditional sense of recruitment agencies... they don't give a fuck about you, they just want a quick buck. Such interview was for a job that I wasn't sure of, but would pay the bills. The caring agency didn't bother to send me the address or interview details until two hours prior of me needing to get on a train. There is where it all started going wrong.
Facing two hours to groom myself from a tramp into a suit wearing human was something that would have made 'Queer eye for the straight guy' proud. The main thing was to cut my hair as it had reached that 'Action man' fuzziness look. Then it was required for me to shave. For those who know me and have seen me since I came back from my trip... I was sporting a patchy Che Guevara beard. Just as cheap and shit, but made me feel as if I could somehow change the world. Considering that I had only been trimming it for the last four months, a razor would have not been welcome by my delicate skin. So I trimmed and plucked at it with the electric razor, not before messing about with my un-crowded facial hair.
Like most of you would have done, I decided to look at three styles as that was all my hair could afford for options. Style number 1 was like Abraham Lincoln but with the added bonus of a 'tache. Needless to say, it looked weird and stupid in an unprofessional way. Style 2, just the 'tache. Looking at that face on the mirror I believe most people would have still mentioned 10 eastern European nationalities before thinking Mexican. Style 3, now I am not proud of this, but in the spirit of messing about, I had to do it. I tried one of those small moustaches that might have been popular in Germany up to 1945. Hilarious consequences, but not something you can don whilst walking down the street.

Having eventually removed all facial hair I became aware of one thing, my beard was acting like a 'Body shaper' for my double chin. I am beginning to think that it was more like a net holding all that flab up. It was a sad and scary moment. There contemplating that my fat body was a bit skinny, compared to my multiple chins. Things didn't improve when I put on my suit. Sure, black is a flattering colour, but by then my shirt and tie were working like a Wonderbra (r), pushing it all out and forward. I felt for a moment as if a bouncer's fat head had been placed on top of my shoulders. Besides, my belt shrank one hole in the wash. A dark day indeed.

I managed to get to the interview on time. It was a fairly reputable company who were part of a very reputable fashion brand. Not Topshop you bloody commoner. Though it went well I think my expression must have changed when they mentioned shift work. For that I would work in a bar, which would be more fun. On my behalf, considering that it would pay less than my previous job, that shifts would come into it and a few other things, that job and I were not made for each other. On their behalf, I am too charming and good looking to steal the limelight of the whole IT department, my suit and my Marks and Spencer's shirt were definitely not what they were looking for.
I got the call not much later saying that though they liked me and were impressed with my skills, they would not be calling me back for a second interview. The typical It's not you, it's me. I wasn't that upset as I have been at the job hunt like a desperate drunk in a town's club.
On the way home, before the fated call, about to get on my train I caught a glimpse of my reflection on the carriage's window. Amazing how quick a metamorphosis can take place. Only a few, maximum 3, hours of me wearing a suit and I already had a smug look on my face. I know what I will become if I am given half a chance.

All I can do for now is to keep you posted, concentrate on getting a job and then decide what to do with this blog. I have things in mind, but one has to respect it's nature. I have to respect my loyal audience. One that can compete in ratings with shows on BBC4, because let's face it, it is only me and a handful out there who are keeping an eye on it.

Children of men.

2006-09-27T11:12:00.000+01:00

I highly recommend Children of Men. Though it is Sci-fi, it is very realistic and a lot closer to us than any 70's tripped out future. Throughout it is filled with a grittiness and natural dialogue that it is pretty much believable. It is incredibly atmospheric, though the atmosphere of 'that' future is gray and depressing. It is moving where it needs to be, yet it doesn't milk it like plenty other films.
It has some fantastic touches of irony. A scene in Battersea power station, overlooking from a window and they have hung an inflatable pig like in the cover of 'Animals'. Great pieces of art that have been looted from other countries. The brutality of sincerity when a politician asked how he can cope with humanity dying and the simple reply 'I just don't think about it'. At the same time the simple yet challenging feat for Hollywood to have British actors playing British characters and Americans playing American.
The soundtrack is covered of what one would love to think will be classics by 2027 like Roots Manuva 'Witness' and what I believed to be Aphex Twin in a scene with Michael Caine and Clive Owen.
It didn't feel as if were trying too hard at any moment. The flow is quite natural and it is brave enough to follow for an appropriate ending rather than a full blown Hollywood cliche.
Overall a great movie about the end of the world yet not in the usual apocalyptic manner. The simple yet tragic realisation of humanity simply dying out. But like in most movies or stories there is hope. Hope doesn't arrive like a full blown rescue operation but as a desperate possibility within reach. People fighting to be the ones to show what could save us all. In true human nature, we would trample over anyone in order to save the day.
It is a movie that leaves something in you. It is not a feel good movie, it is not a movie it is cinema.

Why can't we afford this shit?!?!?!?!?

2006-09-27T10:40:00.000+01:00

First of all I would like to reminisce on the last few days. With London week and all the controversy of skinny models... it still left me with the realisation that I still can't afford to look like a cunt.
I believe the poor have as much right as the rich to look like complete cunts.

My secret life... As seen in The Independent on Saturdays

2006-09-22T12:38:00.000+01:00

Peyotitlan, Job seeker & blogger
______________________________________
Peyotitlan emigrated to the UK nine years ago. He hasn't
Founded a magazine or made many people happy. The
impact he has on other people's lives is limited and
diversified. He has spiritual homes in a few foreign lands
and an ever decreasing bank balance. His interests include
socializing, social smoking, drinking tea and browsing the
internet for free sites as well as music and entertaining
himself.

I drive/ride... public transport, my wife's car and my two
feet. I generally equip my feet with trainers (not shiny white).
If I have time to myself I... can easily get bored.
You wouldn't know it but I'm very good at... upsetting
people. I have a magical charm to say the wrong thing at the
worst possible time. I can keep secrets very well too and I am
very good at losing my patience with anything created by man
when it doesn't do what I wish it to do when I want it to do it.
I'm no good at... listening or patience. I can keep secrets
because I am not listening half the times. I am not patient with
imbeciles and I will vent my rage once they have left the room.
A book that changed me... Asterix 'The Gaul' an amazing
and inspiring tale. I am still to eat wild boar, came close to it in
Argentina but didn't do it in the end.
Movie haven... it could be anything. Action, arthouse, comedy...
I laugh out loud to videos of people falling down the stairs. I am
easily pleased.
At night I dream of... seeing people one more time.
Comfort eating... junk food and all that is bad for me.
All my money goes on... filling my spare time. This can come
in various shapes or forms. Generally is in the shape of tickets,
pints, cigarettes, CD's, books... you get the general idea.
It's not fashionable but I like... receiving 'bungs' for football
transfers. I love skinny models on the catwalk. And swearing freely
and coarsely.
My favourite work of art... proper art and not the bollocks
that Damien Hirst and his sort produce. It is an insult to so many
people who actually suffered for what they did and weren't just
cashing in like true whores.
The soundtrack to my life... the voices, traffic and background
noise, subdued by pleasant conversations, music or television.
The best invention ever... the bread slicer.

Crikey... Rests in one piece.

2006-09-21T08:52:00.000+01:00

Our own little tribute... and mark of respect.

Greetings...

2006-09-20T16:48:00.000+01:00

Another boring day with an ever decreasing number of jobs to apply for which is rather concerning.

Today I watched some TV, but still managed to avoid Jeremy Kyle. I saw in the news about Steve Irwin's funeral. Truly a moving circus parade. It is moving, but he exposed himself all the time and lets face it, it was expected. Unexpected that it was a stingray. Even more unexpected the fact that some people (maybe some Australians) are sooooooooooooooooo stupid as to have killed stingrays and torn their tails off. One thing that puzzled me, which I thought it was a bit off the mark, was a woman who had taken a kid dressed as a crocodile. A bit inappropriate, if you ask me. I wonder how it would have gone if you took a kid dressed as a stingray? My condolences to the family and to a country that offers a state funeral to an entertainer... Richard Bacon, there is still time to emigrate.

Today was a big day and something huge happened and went unnoticed. The grand event that went unnoticed and was only enjoyed by misfortunate people like me was none other than EPISODE 1000 OF DOCTORS. The fantastic BBC drama that follows Neighbours. To celebrate the 1000 episode they had - what it seems - a guest writer. My guess is that it was whoever wrote Brookside or last week's Hollyoaks. To give you an idea, there was an EXPLOSION at the beginning.

Needles to say, it didn't change my life. Not even the touching moments:

-An old man going senile with a sixth sense edge, he can hear all the dead people that died in his room.

-A girl who got pregnant and that could have ruined her one year trip. To sort that out she was close to taking a whole box of Malaria tablets. I think that was a 50/50 call. Have a home made abortion or choke to death on a fistful of pills.

-Chardonnay, from Footballers wives, with a coke problem and refusing help.

-A bloke with an anger problem who shouted at everyone and punched a woman, by accident.

-And the clinic having an assessment as their whole meaningless world falls to pieces.

The best bit is that it started with the explosion, then to jump back three hours back to lead you to the beginning and bring all the characters back together. Imagine Memento meets Casualty but written by the Hollyoaks script writer. Chardonnay and the anger problem bloke died in the explosion and tomorrow the rest of the cast won't even have to pick up the pieces.

This is what I have been reduced to in this week. To make snide comments about a funeral and to take it out on this page for watching a crap TV show.

Next week there will be an interview... so stay tuned.

And for our fans in Wales...

2006-09-18T09:22:00.000+01:00

-----Original Message-----
From: KXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sent: 13 July 2006 15:30
To: GXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Subject: RE: Glyn 2 Win

Helo!
Dwi yn massively excited! Dwi'n mynd i fyny ar y nos Fercher am y 'wedding rehearsal' (!!) ac ar dydd iau dwi hefo Katherine drwy dydd yn gwneud last minute preparations. Wedyn ar y dydd Gwener, dydi'r briodas ddim tan 1 ond rydan ni'n dechrau'r beauty treatmenst am 9.30! Ha ha!
Welai di yno definitely - ond cofia bod fi'n bwysig iawn ac ar y top table a ddim hefo'r plebs ar y byrddau normal! Edrych ymlaen i'r inter-generational Creuddyn reunion (blwyddyn geth, ti, fi a Lowri!)
K

-----Original Message-----
From: GXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sent: 13 July 2006 15:22
To: KXXXXXXXXXXXX
Subject: Glyn 2 Win

Su'mae KXXXX,

Edrych mlaen at y briodas fawr rwan? Newydd gael sgwrs efo Gethin ac mae o'n swnio'n weddol cool - cael yr argraff mai Katherine sy di gneud y trefnu i gyd.
Welai di yno felly efo gweddill y bods Crueddyn.

GXXXXXXX

Mobile phone dictionary...

2006-09-14T17:09:00.000+01:00

You guessed right, a low day on the inspirational front.
Here is a list of all the words I have added to my mobile's dictionary. Where necessary there will be an explanation...

Arses - Lets not go there.
Aurora - A friend and a natural phenomenon. Both the borealis and my friend are a natural phenomenon.
Bastard(s)
Bender - Derrogative noun used to abuse friends.
Bitch
Biutiful - Mocking mexican fonetic pronunciation of the English language, plus it looks cool.
Bollocks
Brixton
Bummer
Calpis - Nectar from the gods... fantastic japanese drink. That white bottle I took pictures of around the world.
Chale - Mexican expression of disappointment.
Chernobyl - As in the place that had the tragic nuclear meltdown in the 80's and still has failed to produce any super heroes. This is used to abuse friends. Example '...you walking Chernobyl.'
Chilaquiles - Mexican dish. One of my favourite dishes and one of my wife's specialities.
Chorizo
Clapham
Cocks
Corydon
Crap
Cunt - It is only polite to use it now and again to decribe yourself and it should never be used to abuse a male friend...
Damn(ed)
Earlswood
Faggot
Fuck - And plenty of variations. Fucked and fucking being amongst them.
Fulham - One of the best football clubs in the world.
FWRT - Abv. Faggot Who Reads This. Ha, got you too. An old Mexican and now becoming a British and hopefully one day a Golbal tradition. Just leave notes bearing the legend for your friends to find or simply text it. Always a winner.
Geordie - The fantastic people from Newcaslte upon Tyne, in case anyone living abroad (or in a bunker in the UK) hasn't heard of this magnificent bunch.
Gimp
Guanatos - Coloquial name for Guadalajara, my home city in Mexico. Great place to visit if you want to eat and get pissed constantly.
Hullo
Kebab - You know you secretly love them, every now and again.
Kisser - Generally used in the context 'Arse kisser' or some worse.
Kyoto
Lager
Magestic
Mamacita - A Mexican compliment for the ladies.
Missus
Motorway - I didn't say they were all going to be interesting. Anyway, stupid phone should have had that one.
Ouch - (?)
Piss(ed)
Poof
Queers
Redhill
Reigate
Scousers - The 40 friends of Ali Baba or the people from Liverpool, it's all the same.
Scud - My local pub. Full name 'The Flying Scud'. Now that is naming a pub.
Sheffield
Shit - No refernce whatsoever to the above mentioned.
Skint
Sodomite
Spunk
Tomary - As in library, in Homer J Simpron's speech.
Turd
Wanker(s)
WHSmith - Because it is the easiest meeting point in Victoria station.

Yes, it is a bit embarrassing but I just want to invite you that much further in into my little world. FWRT, got you again.
Hope you weren't offended, if you were please complete the following sentence with the word of your choice from the list above.
Please don't be such a ___________.

Believe...

2006-09-12T10:23:00.000+01:00

Another weekend and a Monday night...

2006-09-12T08:57:00.000+01:00

ag‧o‧ra‧pho‧bi‧a [ag-er-uh-foh-bee-uh] noun Psychiatry.
an abnormal fear of being in crowds, public places, or open areas, sometimes accompanied by anxiety attacks.

The weekend was filled of fun activities and real people.

Friday we had a problem with some plumbing and had to call a plumber in as we were wasting a lot of water. The plumber was a friendly enough bloke who felt comfortable to share some of his racist views; including his surprise at me coming from Mexico and saying 'Funny... I thought you all went over to the states...'. The whole joke ended up costing close to £400 and a hole in the wall.

On Friday night I went to the pub with Monkey and I was talking shit loads to begin with. Like a prisoner who has been in solitary confinement for a few weeks too many. My excitement of seeing real people can have an averse reaction. I felt like Spud in the interview for the first pint or two.

Saturday was great. More real people! A couple of friends came for dinner and we went to a gig in the town. We were so old compared to the rest of the people there that we must have looked like the local nonce squad. To the point that not only was I frisked by the bouncer, but he opened my pack of cigarettes (fine) and checked every bloody compartment in my wallet. As if I was going to carry any fucking drugs into a gig in that town!!! I was frisked and my wallet had the rubber glove intrusive treatment. There was bloody kids wrestling each other to the ground!!!

Bouncers are one step up from shopping centre/supermarket security on the security ladder. Most of them are failed coppers. Can't even become a copper!!! Security. They feel all mighty with the uniform, but... add a walkie talkie to the ensemble and they become mini despot dictators. Now add the ear-piece that a bouncer has and you do the maths...

Sunday!!! More people. I don't know how can I cope with all this. The funniest thing is that as every minute passes by I have less to tell people. I bore them usually and now I have ten minutes catch up for the last month. They have things to tell me and I can't help but get jealous. We talked for a while about each other's family 'secrets' and compared how twisted our relatives were.

Yesterday, Monday (11/09/06) we went to the recording of a radio 2 show, it was alright, but not great. Whilst waiting at the queue a (weird and lonely) bloke started talking to us. He was in his mid thirties, had a packed lunch and his social life consisted in going to show recordings and probably reviewing them to his mother. He told us about all the shows he's been to and a lot more things which I wish I hadn't heard. He even went to tell us that his watch was 2 minutes fast!!! How much detail and how much did I care? It is so he doesn't miss his train, by the way.
He interrupted a bloke on the phone, because he dared to mention over the phone that he was at the recording of a TV SHOW?!?! This bloke interrupted him by saying four times that it was a radio show. He cut the same bloke right in the middle of a funny story... to point at the queue and tell them it would move soon. All they could reply was ‘Don’t worry, we won’t forget going in’ and then we all watch the tumbleweeds roll for half a minute until he said ‘sorry… carry on’ as if he was included in their conversation.
Thinking about him, I can see him on the way to the show eating a pork pie in the tube. Crumbs falling on his lap and spitting some more to the passenger seating next to him as he tells him about the show he is on his way to see. When he was talking to us and his words became fluffy pillows smothering us in our sleep...
Sonya asked him a couple of questions!?!?!? I know she was only being polite, but that put us under the threat of him wanting to sit with us. Even worse, people thinking we were all together!!!

Who ever he is I am sure his mother laughed when he repeated the jokes and certainly reprimanded him for not leaving out the swear words. Because of his swearing he is today sitting at work, looking at his packed lunch contemplating the missing Kit Kat bar... Now, who's been a naughty boy?

More to come...

2006-09-11T12:13:00.000+01:00

Week three...

2006-09-06T19:58:00.000+01:00

Don't worry, whoever has been or not been reading it. You have not missed out on three weeks of shite, it is a new thing and it is my third week looking for a job.

First I think we should do a little background history; some dirty details and some time wasting.

The relevance for me being on the dole is that I am a naturalized foreign citizen. I originally come from Mexico with the intention of taking your women and screwing your jobs.
I have lived in beautiful England for 9 years - ha, I slipped through the net and now it is too late. I have already taken (well, married) a beautiful maiden, a true British rose born in Cyprus (RAF base, so stop that now). After nine glorious years in this nation I have acquired the taste for humour, beer, football, Indian summers, hate for the English, Labour government and now the dole.
You do not understand how dirty I felt when I went to sign on, as I immediately became the object of so many of my jokes and snide remarks. It didn't help either that - though I fully intend to get a job - I was wearing a red t-shirt with the legend 'Made in Mexico', reading a book in Spanish and that my name is unpronounceable.
So when I got called from the desk in my friendly and sophisticated job centre I had a few funny looks and I saw some xenophobic thoughts running through a couple of people’s eyes. So from that moment I became one of my own jokes and one of the people I turn my nose up at. I faced a mini identity crisis, should I start making racist comments? Should I switch to rollies? How mush is it for four cans of Special Brew? And all those things that rush to your head when facing such situation. I suppose no one is born a dole scum and there are no such manuals to help you.

After having received my first payment on Monday (04/09/06) and being shocked at how am I to live on that; I went and took a cold shower rocking on the bath tub’s floor scrubbing myself real hard. It was a shock to the system. This is what I can call properly a Culture shock. It is the great unknown and the great awkward silence in the flat in the mornings. My wife has got a contract and that is great, but that leaves me with the TV, the news (on line and on TV), my CD’s, Gamecube ® (you like that?), a bass guitar and a Word copy of my CV and covering letter to fill the day.
Though a routine has now taken shape (and suffering from OCD makes sure I stick to it) the days seem to be too big and long to fill them productively. I wake up with my wife and I make us a cup of tea, each, splashing out already. We have breakfast as we watch the news (count how many times this takes place), then she’s off to work. That leaves me there watching the end of the news and then I start looking for a job online. I categorically refuse to watch Jeremy Kyle as I know once I go down that downward spiral I will be cashing the giro at the pub or with a local dealer.
On line searching is not as fun as it might appear to be once it is strictly restricted to jobs. I go through approximately 10 or 15 messages that I receive daily with jobs. Though I created these searches, it is only a small percentage the number of jobs that are actually suited. You’ll find that no matter how specific, you might as well just enter ‘Job’ in the criteria and hope for the best. A couple of times a day you get calls from agencies and those teach you a lot. You understand what it felt like when you never called that girl (or guy) back. You hear your pathetic excitement as you answer to their questions, so they can tell you that they will call you later that day. All for you to mope over the phone for the rest of the day and pull faces at your wife when her sister calls her all the way from the North and they haven't seen in weeks.
After or during online searching I listen to the Ricky Gervais podcasts and nearly piss myself laughing, though I listen to them nearly every day. OK, every day.

Then I go for a run. At the moment I can only handle 2 miles (I am showing off now), take a shower and read a couple of chapters from (currently) ‘Broken angels’ by Richard Morgan. A traditional Sci-fi chick-lit (ha, not really) thriller, that makes you ponder whether it is the new Blade runner or if you can tell your friends about it. Review to follow.
Back on the net just in case there is a new job that has been posted in the last half hour. Get bored of it, now go and read the news on the BBC’s website (twice the news now). Read immediately after, some boring sports news as the transfer window has closed and Fulham did fuck all. Check to whom we might lose to this weekend or cherish the thought of a draw or even be a bit cheeky and fantasize with the whole three points.

From there it is psychological downhill. I sit and watch the noon news on channel 4 and once they finish change over to BBC 1 to see the same news from a different angle, or so I try and lie to myself. Though I pretend to read my book at this time, I still have an ear out for the headlines. When the news are about finish I start cooking lunch and then proceed to eat whilst watching Neighbours. I tape them for my wife too, but she’ll kill me for having put this here. Once having eaten I go out for a cigarette. Then I struggle to play the bass whilst keeping the blinds open and a concentrated yet intense look upon my face.
Once my fingers are really sore or I feel too sweaty to have been only standing there, I stop. After that I have one or two hours before my wife gets back. In those two hours I think of plenty things that only an incredibly doomed and bored soul can dwell on.

For example:

- I wonder if Tony Blair and George Bush invent words when they are together. I am sure they do and they use them at G8 meetings to show how close they are. Though Tony just does it to rub it on the faces of the other world leaders.

- If we get a proper Scottish Prime Minister (though Tony Blair was born in Edinburgh he is sooooo English, face it), would the mentioned Prime Minister try to seriously fuck over the English?

Those are the two most topical and recent thoughts that have been keeping me awake at night, not really, they just plague my dreams.
Then my wife arrives, we have dinner and I have to act all sane only to blow my cover as soon as Hollyoaks starts. It’s got to the point where I seriously question its credibility. I have been living here for nine years, long enough to know better. After questioning it’s credibility I realize that the young Scouse lad that hardly ever features in the show, is the most believable character. When have you ever heard such thing?

Well, I shall leave it here. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. This is the beginning of what I hope will be a short ride. Though it strangely feels like a motorway drive with my Granddad. Longer than desired, terrifyingly fast and getting too close to the oncoming traffic.

Little concrete boots upstairs...

2006-09-05T10:51:00.000+01:00

Hello there.
My name is Hector and this is my first blog outside MSN. Just really trying to keep busy whilst looking for a job.
So in between job hunting, reading, listening to music and running I shall be updating the little goings in my life.

This little entry is mainly about the child that lives above us. There is a whole family over there, it's not a toddler living by himself in a flat, tending after himself.

The thing is that we live in a flat, on the ground floor. Though that is great because we don't bother anyone when we get home or by simply being at home. It is a pain in the arse the fact that you have people walking over your head at undesirable times; or in the case of the child above, at all times.

I understand that kids have loads of energy and it is difficult to wear them down. As well I notice this as I am sitting on my arse, in the flat, most of the time. So I am here all day to hear him run about. The funniest thing is that one day, I presume, his parents trying to calm him down must have put a pair of skies on the kid's feet. Or at least that's what it sounded like. The longest and flattest feet stamping I have heard in my life. Every time he set a foot on the floor, you could hear this long dry snap on contact.

I call him little concrete boots, obviously, because when he is not sporting snow gear, he has the heaviest feet I have heard a child posses. Not even my 17 stone brother when he was drunk getting off the bunk beds, desperately running to be sick, sounded so heavy. We used to joke about our dinosaur boots when we were pissed rushing to the toilet. But I have to say that in all honesty this kid takes the biscuit and the medal.

I really don't know what to think anymore. Then his parents let him run around until way past a three year old's bedtime. The weirdest thing is that I don't know whether if I prefer the kid or my previous neighbour. The previous guy in the flat once surprised us by hoovering from 2 to 3 in the morning on Boxing day. I don't know if he had OCD or if he simply was bored and though 'what the hell'. Probably the hoover had been a present and he thought on testing it there and then.

Anyway, his spirit lives on (no, he didn't die in that flat) as the kids parents love to move furniture through out the day and at random times. Sometimes I do wonder whether if the kid's mum has OCD and is repeatedly shifting stuff and cleaning it. Some other times I thing that their furniture is odd Tetris-like shaped and her and the dad just play tetris in their living room with their weird furniture.

I hope to get to the bottom of this and if the truth is nowhere near interesting, I shall make something up.

Thank you for listening (reading).